VA

Penpusher · 131 points

169 points to Logliner

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2 reviews

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on After a string of failed pregnancies and suicide attempts, a skeptical waitress must learn to trust a bizarre construction worker in order to escape her abusive ex-lover and keep the baby she has stolen.

This logline is confusing because it has two goals that seem completely unrelated and also the relationship between the inciting incidents and her goals are unclear.
on After a 17 year old party-girl?s father is imprisoned, she must find the evidence to clear him before Social Services finds out and takes her 11 year old brother from her. ★ Accepted

"Before ?Social Services finds out" is a bit vague. ?Consider trimming it out and just leaving it at "before social services takes her 11 year old brother away from her."