TSF Films

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

on A centuries-old vampire loses his teeth through tooth decay and must devise new ways in extracting blood from his victims.

Hey, Nat! Who is your vampire protagonist up against? Is it just poor hygiene? Also, a way I would spice it up is to phrase my logline in a "When this, then that" format. Add irony, too.
on A sniper forces a flash mob to perform their routines in Times Square, until an international terrorist is released, if they stop…They die!

Hey, Chris! I don't think there's enough "meat" there. You haven't identified a specific protagonist or antagonist. Who's your leading character? What do they want? Who's your bad guy? What does he want? Eventually your script will boil down to…