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A drug dealer’s toad venom trip turns into an action packed psychedelic nightmare when the police raid his house.
Good rewrtie, thanks man !
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An introverted young man is hesitant to take part in Faroe Islands’ biggest party day, Òlavsøka, until two free spirits take him under their wing for a social adventure.
Sure did, thanks ;)!!
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When the parents are detained by weather abroad, a man-child elder brother must take charge of his dysfunctional family’s Christmas customs.
Thank you very much, very helpful :)
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A socially disconnected bartender makes a connection with the odd new beer deliver guy. He struggles to develop his new friendship as his old stuck-up friends hold him back.
Great boil down, thanks!!!
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An argument between two friends brings about the end of their relationship.
Too vague, add more details i.e main character's flaw and what the argument is about
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A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
thanks for all the feedback, really appreciate it:)!
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A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
It's the friend's mom that has got cancer, not the friend. The objective would be to provide emotional support for his friend but the obstacle is his own inner resistance to show affection. Perhaps it's all too internal?
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A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
A witty young man fears showing affection, but when his old friend reveals his mom has got cancer, he must face his fear. is this more specific? I'm struggling with the last bit, what he must do in order to…
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A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
Ah, I see how it really requires to be more specific. Thanks:)
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After a heart attack on his highschool graduation, an obese mama’s boy sets off to lose a hundred pounds before starting college, in the hopes of getting laid and avoiding an early grave.
UPDATED LOGLINE After suffering a heart attack, a mama?s boy sets off to lose a hundred pounds before getting into college in order to save his life and pursue girls.
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A pizza delivery driver that resents Superheroes, is inadvertently stuck protecting one when the worlds greatest supervillain arrives in his city during a typical afternoon shift.
I'd study "The Boys" the TV show to make sure your premise isn't too similar to it. It's also a guy who hates superheroes because they accidentaly killed his girlfirend, and in the end he grows a connection with one…
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While shooting their first music video, a local metal band on the rise quickly realizes that the urban legend surrounding their filming location is true: When people enter, they don?t exit.
agree with all of the above. I think this premise has some potential as there's alot of dynamics between band members to explore.
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A young graduate, struggling to have a career as a photo-journalist but stuck without job prospects receives a call from a mysterious hacker organisation that wants to recruit him as their man in the field. He works for them while he tries to figure out what their ultimate goal is and confronts his opposing family.
agreed, needs to be way less wordy.
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After a heart attack on his highschool graduation, an obese mama’s boy sets off to lose a hundred pounds before starting college, in the hopes of getting laid and avoiding an early grave.
very helpful, thank you :)!
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SHORT FILM: In a society where companions unite with a finger trap, a desperate man goes on the search for a partner. After a long struggle, he inserts his own finger into his trap, uniting with himself.
Thanks so much for the feedback Trix! Yeah I understand "a long struggle" is a little vague. Still trying to work out which shape or form this struggle takes palce. Basically his desperation is scaring people off. Yeah I am…
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When a wallflower is tired of being overlooked and underestimated, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery to come off the wall and out of her shell.
This is a classic story, I think you need to add how this story is different to the logline. What's unique about your version of this story?
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When his gay cruise ship is invaded by terrorists, a veteran turned drag queen must use his skills to take down the thugs and save the day.
Agree with the above comment, the terroists goal, why did they invade the ship? Is due to it being a gay ship or does it to for them to gain money somehow or?