The_CNI

Samurai · 1,187 points

1,313 points to Mentor

30 loglines
19 reviews

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Samurai

Loglines

When a stranger from his criminal past visits his support group, an ex-sicario priest must protect the people in his new life by reawakening old demons.

May 3, 2022
A cowardly parking office accidentally locks himself in the trunk of his car on his wedding day, but when the car is stolen with him in it, he must escape and get to the altar before the thieves realise he’s there.

November 14, 2019
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When his gay cruise ship is invaded by terrorists, a veteran turned drag queen must use his skills to take down the thugs and save the day.

April 28, 2019
When he falls in love with an alcoholic cop in rehab, a drug addicted mobster must keep his new love from discovering his mafia heritage in order to run away with her and escape his toxic family.

March 18, 2019
After he discovers who killed his mother while in rehab, the son of a Mafia Don must keep his brothers from discovering his forbidden relationship with a cop as they hatch a revenge plot against the rival gangsters who killed their mother.

March 4, 2019
After he is forced to go to rehab, the son of a Mafia Don gets into a relationship with an alcoholic cop and must keep her from finding out he is in the mafia while also keeping his relationship secret from the family.

February 23, 2019
Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.

December 30, 2018
Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from the ferocious demon.

December 30, 2018
In a future where the average citizen is controlled by a master super-computer: when he accidentally steps into a time warp to 2019, a cyborg discovers murderous urges he never knew he had and goes on a killing spree.

December 24, 2018
Set in the year 2050: When he wakes up out of his coffin to discover that Transylvania has become an Orwellian fascist state, Count Dracula must lead a rebellion and take them down before they uncover his true identity.

October 27, 2018
Set in the near future: When his neighbourhood is raided by a violent vigilante squad, a gang-member must venture through enemy territory to get his 5 year old daughter to sanctuary before they are killed.

October 4, 2018
When the prison transfer bus crashes in a remote mountain forest, a rookie officer must use her training to tame the violent inmates as well as survive against dangerous wildlife and a harsh blizzard while they await rescue.

September 3, 2018
A na?ve college graduate makes a wish to a shooting star that he could get any job he wanted and finds that the next day; no matter where is, what he wears and how he feels, people (including employees) assume he works there. He uses this strange new curse to infiltrate a UN meeting and try to trick the world leaders into agreeing to World Peace.

August 23, 2018
When he?s enslaved by aliens, a New York mob boss must rally his fellow prisoners, take over the spaceship and teach his captors; even in space, the mob rules.

July 23, 2018
When his best friend dies in a drive by shooting, a naive vagrant must escape the harsh streets of his home world to join the galactic armed forces, endure their harsh training and battle nightmarish aliens to become a space knight.

July 17, 2018
In the distant future: When a naive teen joins the army, his over-protective biker brother must enlist, go through the harsh training, and find the boy so that he can get him out before they’re sent to battle against nightmarish aliens.

June 26, 2018
When his apartment block is raided by mobsters, an angsty teen discovers that his boring parents were once hit-men of the Yakuza and so he must learn their old ways to defend himself against the violent thugs, who are lead by his estranged Uncle, if he hopes to escape with his life.

June 15, 2018
When a family skiing trip ends in the murder of her parents, a sheltered teenager must lead her friends through a blizzard to escape a gang of vengeful hunters.

June 13, 2018
When the boy she meets turns out to be a werewolf like her, a sheltered girl begins a forbidden relationship with that helps express their beastly forms but runs the risk of being discovered by the paranoid hicks of her small town.

June 10, 2018
After they make a wish to kill their parents, a group of teenagers discover they?ve messed with an entity that makes this wish come true.

May 2, 2018

Recent reviews

on After robbing a casino in Vegas, A pair of prodigal biracial twin arrive in New York to start a new life but the trouble they lelf in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas

There's no need to include that these twins are Biracial (not that they can't be Biracial, you can make them what you want) and I don't understand what is meant by them being "Prodigal". Nothing really tells me anything about…
on An alcoholic man’s life has changed when he goes into recovery when he becomes a teacher at a school he graduated from.

Things are very unclear, mostly with the inciting incident. What is it? Is it going into recovery or going to his old Ivy League? Also there's no need to include "Man" in the logline since you refer to him with…
on A couple race against time to track down a high school student who murdered their daughter.

Check out "formula" section for learning the correct Logline formula, because this doesn't fit the structure at all. There's other unanswered questions here. I know they use the police, but couldn't you find some way to make them more active?…
on When a desperate PTSD sufferer is sent to an experimental therapy centre, she finds herself fighting for her life against the twisted therapists who by prey on their patients? worst fears to increase the adrenaline in their ?meat? and satisfy their cannibalistic hunger.

A better way to word this would be: "When she is sent to new mental health facility, an emotional vulnerable woman must escape before she falls prey to the twisted cannibalistic therapists who use her worst fears against her". This…
on When the new couple in town, both ex-cons, are suspected of murdering a cop’s daughter, they set out to entrap who they believe is the real perpetrator – before the town’s mass hysteria turns violent.

I think there is more of a hook if you were to change it from a "Cops daughter" to someone more high ranking such as the daughter of the Mayor, Commissioner, respected rich landlord etc. Also this adds to the…
on When bank robbers and their hostages encounter a backwoods family, they are held captive for a sacrificial ritual, and must work together to escape before becoming human cattle.

For a future logline, you also need to answer the question of then what? What is meant by "human cattle"? Are they a backwards cannibal redneck family? Satanic cult? Been done many times, how is this different? The concept alone…
on When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a cloistered sister, just out of the Abbey, hunts down clues to the seemingly magical affliction in order to discover who created the plague and save the town. ★ Accepted

I think it's mostly good, but as she is "passing" the town my question is what it is she has to gain? Is she assigned her first case by the Abbey to prove herself? Is it her hometown? Her native…
on After living as a hermit for many years, Lyn rediscover the world through the delivery of a mysterious object. He wonders why he is pushing this huge box. When he needs to understand what pushes him.

I agree mostly with Aidan except for the example logline they wrote. As per the formula, you start with the inciting incident. "After discovering a mysterious object..." etc. The other question is why? What is at stake? What pushes your…
on After an explosion opens a hole for demons to escape from Hell, the dweller of humanity, aka the devil’s son, goes to earth to run up the demons before Yahweh sends his armies to clean up the mess, sending every demons into oblivion along with the dweller, if he’s still there.

There are some questions that spawn from reading this logline. What explosion is this? Who caused it? Was it accidental? If so then you don't need to say that an explosion opened the portal, you can just say that the…
on A police officer kills a powerful alien, and many Earthlings are infested by another. The second alien leader and the officer’s future-timeline son hold grudges against the cop for murdering their dear ones.

Agreed with what Robb Ross said. Some things in this logline are not very clear. What is the inciting incident? Clearly the police officer killing the alien isn't. Also when you say many earthlings are infested by another? Do you…
on Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from the ferocious demon.

Looking for advice on how to streamline the logline and strip it to the bare and important elements.
on When a young man comes across a computer pop-up ad that informs him he will be killed in 3 days, he must do what he can to save himself.

As Richiev said, it's hard to see how someone would change their life around a pop-up ad. I'd like to add that the ad itself needs to do something cinematic, ie we need to see how it serves a danger…
on After finding photographs of them taken while they slept, a honeymooning couple must uncover the truth behind the photographer’s identity hidden in the portraits of previous guests of the holiday home before they become just another picture on the wall.

It's not clear as to who the main character is, but the bigger issue is the why? Why do they have to "uncover the truth behind the photographer?s identity"? Why don't they call the police? Why don't they leave the…
on After the high school bullies reduce the sweet librarian to tears, a popular kid with a bright future risks expulsion to lead an alliance of seven uniquely skilled students to make sure the bullies get kicked out first.

I can imagine the satirical "reimagining of Seven Samurai / The Magnificent Seven" set in a high school, however I feel that the main protagonist being "the coolest kid in school" doesn't quite sell the stakes to me. Are these…
on When the ultimate betrayal comes to surface, 8 friends will become enemies and only 1 will be left standing.

Hi Kathryn, As variable said earlier, this is a tagline for a movie, not a logline. As a logline it's incredibly vague. You could describe a crime thriller in vein of Reservoir dogs or a high school comedy where 8…
on To save the Tree of Life from the ever encroaching shadow, a girl must learn to once again trust in humanity. The very people that wiped out her entire kingdom.

Some good points from CraigDGriffiths and Richiev. Also it's not 100% clear what the inciting incident of? your story is. What is the "ever encroaching shadow"? Could it already be infected, ie wilting, and therefore show to the audience that…
on When zombies slaughter their classmates and the teacher drives off with the bus, the high school film club, stranded in the wilderness, must use all their skills and movie knowledge to stay alive until help arrives.

You've got a good high concept premise with the potential for some fun, zany kind of meta humor (Scream meets Night of the Living Dead). The concern which I'm not sure if you've answered yet is the lack of a…
on When the mentor of ruthless assassin/lone wolf cop is murdered, the assassin/cop bands his team of skilled corrupt cops/best friends together to find the one responsible.

The logline itself is too wordy. You can simply reduce the main character to "ruthless assassin" without the lone wolf part. Also rather than say "skilled corrupt cops/best friends" (why corrupt cops?) you can say "assemble a team of old…
on After a selfish, irresponsible, 18 year old’s father is framed and she is given his hyper- intelligent OCD son (11) to look after, she must fool Social Services into believing she is responsible enough to care for the boy, or outwit a crime syndicate into negotiating her father?s release before the boy is removed from her care.

I understand that these are flaws that she will overcome, adding a satisfactory character arc, but the real question is this: what are her limiting beliefs that could lead to losing her brother? Certain emotions can create thoughts and beliefs,…