-
on
A trio of college students discovers street racing becoming deadly when they discover a racer was a serial killer.
I feel like the name of the story is key.
-
on
Logline: A hardened cyber crimes analyst must shut down the source of a cursed smartphone app that seems to kill people who use it before the app strikes its next targets, her estranged family.
Well....it kills some users and not others. If you forward it to a friend you are spared. Would you say that qualifies as "an app that kills people who use it" for the purposes of the logline? It sounds better…
-
on
Logline: A hardened cyber crimes analyst must shut down the source of a cursed smartphone app that seems to kill people who use it before the app strikes its next targets, her estranged family.
Hi Ninann, thanks for the feedback!
-
on
A self-made businesswoman risks bankruptcy to complete her biggest real estate project, but everything depends on her persuading a single holdout–an eccentric maker of wind chimes–to sell his land.
Do they fall in love?
-
on
After being permanently transformed into a penguin during an operation, a disgraced MI6 agent is offered redemption to spy on a villainous family by acting as their daughter’s newest adorable pet.
Love it. I actually laughed out loud. I think you could tighten it up on the back-end. Flesh out the villainous family. Maybe they are crime lords / drug dealers who use animal rights activism (or the world's largest online…
-
on
“When a group of social justice ANTIFA wannabe’s attack his retirement community, a legendary retired hitman and his old mob buddies show the young punks, they messed with the wrong town.”
I might change the word "attack" to "occupy" or "seize control" of his retirement community.
-
on
After accidentally causing the death of her boss, an over-worked, guilt-ridden barmaid must avoid suspicion, while at the same deflecting the advances of her lascivious co-worker
After accidentally serving her boss arsenic....
-
on
Three interwined stories between a group of astronauts in space finding them race against time to find their way home to Earth.
Are there other anthology space films? I can't think of one. What does it compare to? Something like Cloud Atlas perhaps, where all the stories share a common thread?
-
on
A murdered ex-con is resurrected and blessed with the power to heal. He must learn to be a saint when others would rather him be a sinner.
I think the original logline is pretty good - I agree that I want to hear who the "other" are. My go at it: "A murdered ex-con is resurrected and blessed with the power to heal. He must learn to…
-
on
A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
My take: "A witty comedian who fears showing his feelings must learn how to support an an old friend who is shattered by his daughter's cancer diagnosis." I changed it from losing an old woman to losing a young woman,…
-
on
REVISED: After WW III, a grieving journeyman electrician trapped in a secret underground AI lab, discovers two other survivors. Two arch enemies, both soliciting his help and holding the key to his escape, redemption and the future of humanity.
Hi dpg, I think your question was probably rhetorical but I wrote out my answer and this helped me a lot. Thank you! --------------------------------------------- Both MEG (an AI) and Dr. Emery (the programmer who created MEG) need Kyle's help to…
-
on
REVISED: After WW III, a grieving journeyman electrician trapped in a secret underground AI lab, discovers two other survivors. Two arch enemies, both soliciting his help and holding the key to his escape, redemption and the future of humanity.
Wow, thanks Odie! This is super helpful.
-
on
An immortal alien race must come out of hiding on earth and reunite, when an ancient enemy threatens humanity.
Highlander?
-
on
After being disgracefully fired for cheating from his billion-dollar startup, penniless maverick joins his ex-girlfriend’s bankrupt company to regain his lost glory
I assumed it was an extramarital affair. If it is a corporate crime - maybe use a more specific word. Insider trading - money laundering - embezzlement
-
on
In a post apocalyptic nuclear bunker – a guilt ridden AI program that triggered WWIII tries to convince the last man on earth to raise it’s “child”, an innocent AI that does not know war.
HI Dpg - thanks for the questions. I realize your questions are probably rhetorical but I'll go ahead on answer them on this thread....because it's easier to organize your thoughts when you are responding to someone. It is really the…
-
on
In a post apocalyptic nuclear bunker – a guilt ridden AI program that triggered WWIII tries to convince the last man on earth to raise it’s “child”, an innocent AI that does not know war.
LOGLINE UPDATED
-
on
In a post apocalyptic nuclear bunker – a guilt ridden AI program that triggered WWIII tries to convince the last man on earth to raise it’s “child”, an innocent AI that does not know war.
Thanks dpg. Great feedback.
-
on
A cyborg hunter must protect a young woman by killing a cyborg before he turns her into one.
A cyborg hunter must protect a young woman by killing a cyborg before he turns her into one. Is the only solution to kill the bad cyborg? Also I'd like to see an adjective in the first bit. An exiled…
-
on
In Nebraska during the Dust Bowl era, a straight-laced bastard descendant of Jesse James has to travel to Devils Nest to help save the tribe of his half uncle, but shit goes south when the closing of a dam and a one-eyed Kansas City gangster threaten to sink his grandfather’s buried gold for good.
Sounds like a fun western. A half blood. Lost treasure, a bursting dam. The logline Seems a bit long, 54 words.
-
on
The story of the radical writer John Reed, eye-witness to the Russian revolution, the only American to be buried in the Kremlin.
Nice case study of Pitch vs. Plot.
