sloanpeterson

Logliner · 691 points

1,809 points to Mentor

14 loglines
47 reviews

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Logliner

Loglines

When his childhood sweetheart turned actress goes through a high profile breakup, an overly responsible pastor heads to Hollywood to be her red carpet date, along the way encountering misfits who remind him what his real first love is.

June 13, 2023
In the near future, a young genius escapes a moonbase where a madman secretly enslaves scientists in his plan to wipe out life on Earth but when no one believes him, he alone must find a way to destroy the base and free the other scientists.

March 31, 2022
Convinced by prominent comedians that marriage will make him funnier, a struggling comic takes their joke seriously and elopes only to find his bride wants a marriage so peaceful that in order to find the comedy in it, he’ll have to up his game.

December 17, 2020
After sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.

August 27, 2017
When an eccentric family moves into a defunct church building, the enigmatic grandfather starts to preach on Sundays, inspiring but stirring up trouble with the locals.

August 23, 2017
When an aspiring writer blogs anonymously about her dates, one of them finds out who she is and continues dating her in order to improve his dating style to ask out someone else.

August 23, 2017
The naive daughter of the police chief gets a taste of criminal life after using her father?s car to sneak out and setting out to steal it back from car thieves before he or any other cop finds out.

August 23, 2017
When a disheartened pastor?s one-time love turned?risqu??reality star whirls back into his small town, he?risks his job by joining the cast of her reality show in hopes of winning her back.

October 24, 2015
A leading career coach finds her livelihood on the line when her rival dares her to use the career-launching skills she brags about to transform a mysterious homeless man.

October 24, 2015
As New World settlers prepare to fight Native Indians, a mild mannered sailor must likewise find the courage to challenge his closest friend, a military hero for the heart of the idealistic woman he secretly loves.

October 8, 2015
With tensions rising between settlers and the natives, a sailor must decide between returning to life at sea and staying in the New World to challenge his closest friend for the woman they have both fallen for.

October 2, 2015
When a disheartened pastor?s one-time love turned wild celebrity whirls back into his small town, he falls for her, not knowing if she will be his ruin or his revival.

September 19, 2015
A charming hired hand falls for the same idealistic young woman as his close friend, an emerging revolutionary after they are driven to the rural south by growing violence and corruption in the city. (Besides log line help, would like to know if you would watch this movie?)

September 15, 2015
When his bride loses her memory of him a week before the wedding, an unromantic guy's guy must restore it by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments or face losing the love of his life.

May 23, 2015

Recent reviews

on A drunken night leaves a young man to decipher his feelings for his best friend before their time together runs out.

Most loglines hint at what the inciting incident is and who the enemy is, but this doesn't seem to have that. Unless time is their enemy, but I'm wondering why their time together is running out? Is the best friend…
on When a car breaks down in the middle of the outback, a paranoid snitch finds himself trapped with his fellow thieves, and he must investigate them to survive.

Hmm. It's kind of not clear enough for me. It sounds very tense and like a good contained thriller. But why does he have to investigate them to survive? I'm wondering if informant or undercover informant is what he really…
on A band in the 1980’s struggles to keep their friendship intact and meet the demands of the job as their bassist slowly succumbs to addiction, they must find a way to help their friend or risk losing him and their careers.

The first thing is it's a run-on sentence. The comma after addiction should be a period or it should be reworked. I think it sounds like a good story, though. Also, it's not clear who the main character is. Even…
on The mysterious disappearance of a young girl and other children aboard a flight leads to a chain of unexplained events and a mother’s startling revelations about her own destiny.

It starts out strong, but then it gets really unclear. Is the mother the main character? The villain? Also, a chain of unexplained events just sounds frustrating for the viewer. I would hope that at some point we get answers.
on Two stoner best friends and Patriots fans must race against time to get last minute tickets to a game they want to go.

The stakes aren't very high. If they fail, they didn't get to go to a game they can probably watch on TV. Also why didn't they just buy tickets like people do everyday? I guess because they're stoners, but still...
on An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students, who’ve developed a group mind after they’ve been infected by a spore from a decommissioned satellite.

I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe... An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with…
on On the anniversary of her husband’s death a widower’s life outlook is called into question by the arrival of her husband’s blind friend.

What is her life outlook? Bleak? That would give a hint at why it's called into question. Also, maybe "challenged" is better than called into question. More action and conflict oriented. Is there a reason the friend is blind? Does…
on When her daughter is sent to hospital after being attacked, a mother tries to find the assailants regardless of the consequences.

I know it's a short film, but I feel like there could be a little more detail here. It feels a little short for a logline, which is unusual, people are usually struggling to make them shorter! I think descriptive…
on Waiting for the results of a tests, Marc, a boy with cancer, meets Oscar in a hospital. The two young men end up having an exciting relationship, deciding to take a trip around the world. But not everything is what it seems, there is always something left of the cancer on Marc and secrets they try hide, which will soon come to light.

This leaves a lot of questions. When you say boy, I picture a child. But then you say they take a trip around the world, but I thought he was in the hospital awaiting test results. Is this exciting relationship…
on A detective fiction writer becomes convinced her lover’s death wasn’t a suicide and must prove his brilliant wife is a killer before becoming the next victim.

This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be…
on Convinced by prominent comedians that marriage will make him funnier, a struggling comic takes their joke seriously and elopes only to find his bride wants a marriage so peaceful that in order to find the comedy in it, he’ll have to up his game.

Thanks!
on EDITED: In Victorian London a ruthless spy battles a fanatic telepath to thwart his plot to kill the Queen and plunge the world into war.

I like your original and alibenson's version. The later versions muddy the water and make it sound complicated. The first one gets right to the point. Just one opinion.
on A young girl runs away from her sharecropping life to pursue her dream of becoming a blues legend.

If it's a biopic, the log line works fine as far as telling what the story is about, but it would benefit from telling?what the stakes or opposition are. ?If she fails to become a blues singer, she can just…
on After sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.

Thanks so much for the suggestions! ?I would love to put more about her motivation and what things go wrong, but I do recognize that it is too long already. ?Maybe this edit? After sneaking out to the party of…
on When an ?typical couple of thieves, tempted by the promise of money, get mixed up in the love triangle of two witches and a king, they will have to risk their lives to ensure the gates of hell remain shut.

I don't see how it can be a love triangle if there are two witches and two thieves. ?You also refer to them as "the two Witches (which wouldn't be capitalized). ?Why "the"? ?It implies we should know who the…
on When a wretched teenage Jewish boy in Auschwitz camp realizes his infatuation with Hitler?s daughter since their encounter in his village, by sneaking in her villa he stands to confess his love and induce her to save the Jews escape from the Germans.

My first reaction is to wonder if he loves her from afar? Because how would these two ever have their paths cross? ?It's maybe a little bit vague on that note. ?Do they know each other? Also, how would he…
on When a high school dance instructor is accused of molesting the principal?s son, a public dance carefully choreographed to expose the real perpetrator ? to everyone?s surprise, the school?s biggest donor ? inspires school officials to rename the school?s auditorium honoring the accused.

I think what the others are saying is to state what the hero must do and not what he ends up doing. ?This seems like a very odd movie plot to me though, to choreograph a dance rather than go…
on After a senseless violent act, a quiet man willingly risks losing his home and family relationships for love of his wife and memory of his daughter.

Way too vague for me. ?Your responses say you made changes, but maybe I'm not seeing them...
on An estranged successful movie director and a hotshot film producer must stop a rival Head of Studio from buying out their companies.

Estranged from who? (or whom, I don't know) ?This maybe lacks some stakes. ?Why would the average person care if some movie company gets bought? ?Is there romance involved? ?Betrayal? ?I would be more likely to root for them if…
on A troubled young woman, tying to outrun an oppressive past, flees to the outback, only to find herself in the way of an ancient malevolent spirit awakened by a thirst for revenge and hell bent on destruction.

I like it. ?It gets the job done. ?I know what I'm in for.