SLClibra

Recent reviews

• on A no-nonsense matriarch helps her estranged husband beat his alcohol addiction and repair their marriage for the sake of her son's sanity, after he invites a homeless boy – who thinks he is Peter Pan – to live with them.

  I'm sensing the "Peter Pan" ends up being the one to solve the issue? Perhaps writing the story from his angle where this boy is drawn in to this dysfunctional family may help you nail the plot a little tighter.…

• on A bored accountant, disenchanted with life, thinks she?ll get a break on the ski slopes. Until she gets into a ski accident with a famous actor, who will do anything, including inventing a fake relationship, and turning her world upside down, to stay on top

  @ Vania - The short answer is the ski accident is essential because the inspiration behind this is the Sundance Film Festival, which is smack dab in the center of ski season. And the film festival atmosphere is integral to…

• on Heartbroken after being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, a guy?s best friends devise the perfect plan for his recovery and teach him how to sleep with as many women as humanly possible.

  As a woman, I would not see that movie with that title. Why is it called "The Killing Spree"? Does he kill the women after so they don't talk? Why not take the road that millions of other men do,…

• on William Van Alen?s building of the Chrysler building and the competition to be the first to complete the world?s tallest building.

  What seperates this from a documentary? As wilsondownunder mentioned, you need a human element in there to make us care about this story.

• on A dangerous love affair between a photojournalist and a black market smuggler set against the June 2001 massacre of the Royal Family in Nepal.

  It may be my ignorance talking, but I dont get what the background has to do with anything. The journalist could be running arond Nepal for a number of reasons. Why is the coverage of an assasination such a big…

• on A fledging actress, unlucky in love, must decide whether to risk it all or play it safe for the “happily ever after” she wants.

  So I think I've gotten a little bit closer, but can loglines end in a question mark? Thanks everyone for your input. I know there are a ton of articles, books, seminars, webisodes, etc.. out there about this, but the…

• on When a young bride of an American couple living in Italy is surprised by a pregnancy, she will do all she can to hide the baby bump before her homesick husband decides to pull the plug on her Tuscan paradise and her budding art career.

  So she wants to stay, he wants to leave. Not sure why a pregnancy would immediatley throw it to his side of the debate...as Richiev pointed out, they have hospitals in Italy... Why does the husband want to return to…

• on Set in St. Louis in the 1920s, washed up baseball player Will Cosgrove is a private eye with his older brother Ross. When Ross goes missing, Will stumbles upon a deep secret that the disease taking over the town is not quite what it seems and a mob boss turned Governor will do anything to keep the town?s secret from being revealed.

  I've noticed one thing you've done on a few of your loglines is mentioning the era and location. In both cases, I think you could do without them (the other is the bank robbery in the Dust Bowl). Hope that…

• on A young woman, kidnapped when she was a kid, returns home to the family she barely remembers and struggles to feel ?at home.?

  This sounds like a movie I would see - after I've seen commercials (and maybe a movie poster). Your logline needs to be a bit more fleshed out, and detailed.

• on A fledging actress, unlucky in love, must decide whether to risk it all or play it safe for the “happily ever after” she wants.

  What it is is this "bookish" kind of girl meets a guy during rehearsals for her high school play. She's cast, he's helping with stage crew. And he's weeks away from leaving for two years on an LDS mission, which…

• on A fledging actress, unlucky in love, must decide whether to risk it all or play it safe for the “happily ever after” she wants.

  Thanks everyone for your feedback. Hopefully the edit is closer to perfection? (I doubt it, but hey, this is a craft you really learn as you go, right?)

• on A young orphaned undercover detective on suspension learns from an FBI agent that his biological father's is their current target.

  I agree. Bring the detective in on the action. If he's your "hero", why have him sidelined?

• on A fledging actress, unlucky in love, must decide whether to risk it all or play it safe for the “happily ever after” she wants.

  Point taken.I'm trying to edit it right now with something with more substance, but the site doesn't seem to want to let me do that. Thanks for the feedback!

• on A cyber terrorist agent whose memory has been reprogrammed must choose between rescuing his identity and wife, or containing disastrous black market software.

  What will the black market software do if it's not contained? Instead of "disastrous" I would try to include exactly what it would do, and take out "black market" because the software is obviously illegal if it's that destructive.

• on After falling victim to a humiliating prank by the high school Queen Bee, best friends and world-class geeks, Mindy and Jodi, decide to get their revenge by uniting the outcasts of the school against her and her circle of friends.

  I would take out "world-class geeks" because the fact they were already targeted by a "Queen Bee" gives that pictuure.

• on Three best friends return for their high school reunion intent on righting all the wrongs done to them in high school ? by either fucking, marrying, or killing their tormentors.

  First of all, I would turn off the "F" bombs. I think it's off-putting. Second, you need to hone in. As other people have commented, it's hard to tell the genre, and to be honest the term "killing" their tormenters…