ryanrevland

Penpusher · 201 points

99 points to Logliner

2 loglines
7 reviews

A bitter old man plays an advanced virtual reality game and conquers his fear of technology.

November 2, 2017
An Israeli locksmith entangled in a turf war manipulates Google advertising to build a mobile empire from a call center in his living room.

October 26, 2017

on A womanizer music mogul, finds himself wrapped up in a sexual abuse scandal after finding true love with a beautiful singer who shapes him into a better man.

Very nice.? I like that it's relevant to today's headlines. What are the stakes?? Will he get sued and lose his record label?? Will he lose his true love?? Which one would he choose if he had to?? ?Why should…
on When terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.

It sounds interesting but there are no real stakes for your character. There's no immediate threat so we're not on the edge of our seat. If he is fighting the terrorists while building a future with the woman he loves...now…
on A bitter old man plays an advanced virtual reality game and conquers his fear of technology.

Thanks for the advice everyone! Here??are mandatory and optional pieces of the formula: My major event is the old man being uploaded to an "alternate reality" game called "The Cloud". ??There are no headsets and the game play is indistinguishable…
on In 1975, when the US Air Force proudly announces its “first” female pilots, a housewife with a classified past must rally the remaining women of the WW2-era WASP corps to finally gain military recognition as the original female flyboys, before they are erased from history.

Great concept.? I had to read it a few times to fully grasp it.? Maybe remove a few words? A "housewife" with a classified past must rally the remaining members of the Air Forces first female flyboys and gain military…
on Impeached president moves back to her hometown in disgrace to pursue a new dream: balancing family life….while grooming her shy and nerdy kids for careers in politics.

That's original.? Who's the antagonist?
on A soldier returns from war to bury his parents and tend to his sister who remains in a coma. He soon discovers her constant sexual abuse and seeks revenge on her behalf. ~this is a revenge film in the vein of Taken meets Identity~

Cool!? Here's how I might reword it. A soldier returns from war to bury his parents and seeks revenge after discovering his comatose sister has been sexually abused.
on While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. Action/Horror

Very nice!? I'd watch that movie.