priggy

501 points

29 points to Samurai

3 loglines
19 reviews

Loglines

Copernicus’ Secret: It takes a lifetime for Nicolaus Copernicus to re-write our understanding of the Universe but plagued by self-doubt and fear, he’s unwilling to publish until a Protestant Professor risks imprisonment to convince him to publish.

October 5, 2015
When testing a space-time machine, a brilliant young scientist finds herself stranded in space and time searching for a way home after her machine breaks down.

September 28, 2015
Story of Catholic clergyman Nicolaus Copernicus who solves the puzzle of the solar system & the Lutheran Mathematics professor who convinces Copernicus to publish.

September 28, 2015

Recent reviews

on When a clown fish is kidnapped, an overprotective single father embarks on a dangerous adventure through the foreign ocean to reunite with him.

Not the best logline, this is IMDB's logline for Finding Nemo:?After his son is captured in the Great Barrier Reef and taken to Sydney, a timid clownfish sets out on a journey to bring him home.
on When his wife disappears and society accuses him of being a murderer, he finds tracks that she deliberately left behind. He fights against the media and the police to frame his wife.

I know this is your logline for an already produced movie from a published novel but this gives no clear indication of who the main character is, other than the MC is male. Why is he trying to frame his…
on Trish Humphries a self-absorbed news reporter who just moved to New York finally gets her own talk show. She thinks it’s in a big network, but it’s really just public access. Now she has to learn how to work with her new team and balance her open relationship with her three boyfriends while pursuing her dream to be famous.

At 59 words, its too long for a logline. A logline has to be under 50 words and if its under 25 words thats much better. Unless you are writing a biopic about a public figure, don't put your character…
on When her brother?s diary mysteriously appears at her doorstep, an art forgery investigator uses it to decipher location of stolen diamonds. She also discovers the truth about her father who masterminded an international heist and embarks on a hunt for the treasure during which she finds her family lost decades ago.

I would ignore dpg, he fairly repetitively asks the same questions, and expects the whole plot of a movie to condense down to under 50 words. The point of a logline is to hook the reader, you hook a reader…
on Copernicus’ Secret: It takes a lifetime for Nicolaus Copernicus to re-write our understanding of the Universe but plagued by self-doubt and fear, he’s unwilling to publish until a Protestant Professor risks imprisonment to convince him to publish.

Sorry. Copernicus' Secret is supposed to be the title, but not sure how your supposed to format logline + title in the "post logline" box.
on While trying to fix a noisy microwave, an appliance repair old man tells to his apprentice the strangest stories he witnessed in his job: a single mother hypnotized by her washing machine, an electronics hobbyist tuning a ultrablack screen TV set, a neglected housewife in love with her refrigerator.

Is it a trilogy or a TV show? Or is it a single 2 hour movie in 3 Acts with each act being a separate story? If its a trilogy, you write the story for the first movie in the…
on Story of Catholic clergyman Nicolaus Copernicus who solves the puzzle of the solar system & the Lutheran Mathematics professor who convinces Copernicus to publish.

I have another logline for this. Don't know if its better, it mentions the Reformation but it doesn't make the conflict, church vs science because that's not a conflict at the time. I won't write a story that helps propagate…
on When a survivor of a train crash disrupts her life, a young woman must overcome her circle?s hostility and cope with the abortion she denied for ten years

Let the reader work out whether it is dramatic or not. Can you describe the woman with something other than young? What life does she seek? What causes her to change path? What forces her to deal with the anguish?…
on After he is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop, an innocent man is ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and must collect thr bounty on his future badass self.

Whilst this is almost a carbon copy of your previous logline. Simplify this down. Get rid of the killed and saved in quotation marks, it confuses the reader. This might have elements similar to Memento i.e. the time slice flashes…
on When an astronaut learns that his fianc?e is sent on a space trip at near-lightspeed, he must find her before their age difference prevents them from ever having a family together.

Love it. Very clear, who the protagonist is, goal and the stakes. I'd watch.
on What would you do if a fortune teller had been right on the money six days stright; would you bet everything on the seventh days prediction… even the life of your new wife?

This is more of a tagline than a logline. A logline has a clear protagonist, antagonist, goal and stakes. Whilst this is an interesting concept and reminds me of a Derren Brown special called The System.
on A man awaits the arrival of a violent time-travelling version of himself from 10 years in the future. After he is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop determined to stop him from breaking bar, he is ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self.

How does a man await the arrival of his time-travelling future self? Surely, the present version doesn't know when to expect his future-self because the present version doesn't know anything about the future version.
on ?After she’s attacked by demons, a teenage amnesiac must discover who or what she is, if she?s to defeat the evil horde that has targeted her.? — Fallen Angel–

From reading your replies to the reviews, I figure this is kind of Jason Bourne meets Dogma meets Constantine. First, I would correctly spell amnesiac - people might wonder if amnesic is a different thing altogether or whether you mean…
on Antecedents unwittingly create mankind?s deadliest enemy

Who is your protagonist? What's their goal? Who is your antagonist? What is the story? I should get a clue as to what the story is about from the logline. Also Antecedents - don't think it means what you think…
on A self confident hitman relives along a nightmarish night the killing of his last victim.

Who is the antagonist? What is his goal? Why is he reliving his last kill?
on A lifelong wimp must learn to finally stand up for himself when his son is bullied by a mean boy with an even meaner dad.

This is quite good but I think you need to make it more specific. We've got our protagonist, the lifelong wimp and to a lesser extent his son. We've got our antagonist, the mean boy and his mean dad, but…
on A Nuclear Physicist turned to iron while saving the planet from destruction is shunned and betrayed by the world he saved and now seeks his revenge.

I agree with Nir, it's too vague but I'm laughing at the whole "Nuclear Physicist turned to iron" - don't know if thats part of the Black Sabbath song. Also might want to re-work the title as Iron Man is…
on With Earth on the brink of destruction, a despairing shuttle pilot leads a team to explore parallel worlds for a new home, but each new Earth they find has already met a cataclysmic fate within a year of own.

"within a year of own"? ?I think there should be a "their" before "own". Also a "shuttle" pilot? trying to reach other versions of Earth? Seriously? We earthlings aren't up on interstellar flight but wouldn't an interstellar craft be a…
on Tortured by past mistakes and betrayals, an ex-con sets out to avenge the death of his best friend, but struggles to complete his mission when he discovers a boy that may be his son.

I'm not getting a clear clue as to what the story entails. Why does the discovery of the boy mean the ex-con struggles to complete his mission?