paul graunke

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• on When a brain injury puts a surefire pro football prospect's institutional loyalty into question, he must rediscover himself and rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff.

  nduchene: Can you unpack your story by Act? What is the inciting incident in Act 1? Where, in your synopsis, does Act 2 begin? Where, in your synopsis, does Act 3 begin?

• on When an elderly man sues a large bank for foreclosing on him due to a data error, he dies of a heart attack in court, and his daughter then brings a wrongful death suit against the same bank.

  I don't find the scenario particularly plausible nor the daughter sympathetic. Why should I want her to get all that money when she's not the real victim? The victim is the elderly man and he's dead. And he was an…

• on When the son of an overly protective mother is told he has terminal cancer he decides to run away from home to experience life rather than spend his final days dying under the watch of his smothering mom.

  Title: Dying to Live I suggest he ought to be running away not just to live more fully in general, but to fulfill a specific dream (objective goal). As to the nature of that dream -- well, there are so…

• on A bored accountant, disenchanted with life, thinks she?ll get a break on the ski slopes. Until she gets into a ski accident with a famous actor, who will do anything, including inventing a fake relationship, and turning her world upside down, to stay on top

  The logline switches focus as to who is the protagonist and what is the principal story line. It starts out about a bored accountant. Then it switches focus to a famous actor. Who is the protagonist? Whose dramatic struggle provides…