Nwales06

Penpusher · 66 points

234 points to Logliner

on When an elder crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss, at a poker game, he must carefully find a way to avoid a gang war and keep everyone at the game calm.

Updated longline: When an older crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss attempting to start a gang war at a poker game, he must find a way to avoid a war…
on When a well connected journalist gets double-crossed by a damaged and psychologically abused terrorist, she must find a way to stop her before she releases a biological weapon on an unsuspecting city.

Overall this longline is fine, but you don't need to mention that the terrorist is "seeking power".
on When a commando is waken from a coma, he learns that he’s mostly machine and his kids have been kidnapped by a powerful warlord.

The Longline only describes events, you do not have any action which means there is nothing for a second act of a movie. Without any clear action you do not have a movie. It doesn't matter what the concept is…