NisVinten

Logliner · 145 points

155 points to Logliner

4 loglines
29 reviews

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Logliner

Loglines

When former burglar Max’ girlfriend gets pregnant, Max says yes to one last job in order to give his son a rich life. But surprised by the pregnant resident Anna whose water has just broken, Max finds out that money doesn’t always lead to a happy life.

April 6, 2021
When Michael loses his wife and two children in a horrific car accident, he recovers a tunnel to the past before they die, and fights against fate to prevent them from taking the car on that fateful day.

May 25, 2020
When Mads is released from prison, his greatest desire is to come out and be a father to his 10-year-old daughter, whom he has not seen for 3 years, but when he finds out she is deadly ill and the mother forbids him to see her , he dresses up like a hospital clown to have an opportunity to be something for his daughter before she dies.

October 28, 2019
When an amateur trick theif is sentenced to 10 years in prison he is forced to hide in his twin brother?s estate where he is given the opportunity to exchange identity with his brother and must now cheat the locals, his brother?s wife and the police by behaving like a well educated landowner in order to maintain his relationship with his 8-year-old daughter.

July 26, 2019

Recent reviews

on When an ambitious yet struggling young man attempts yet another get-rich-quick scheme against the wishes of his family, things rapidly escalate in all the wrong directions as he realizes all the money he’s just lost in the stock market was drug money demanded to be repaid, the same day.

The thing about get rich scheme caught my attention. We all know that type of person. But I am curious - what is the main relation in this movie. Finding that relation and adding it to the logline I think…
on A housebound vigilante predator catcher has 24 hours to rescue an abducted child before she’s murdered using only the internet and his cell phone.

Nice! Congrats! :)
on Killer Born

I like it. Can you make the mission seem more impossible for the adolescent? Is he/she blind? Or is he/she the quiet peaceloving kinda person - who egnites in fury!! when her best friend is killed? ;)
on Killer Born

What makes this mission almost impossible for
on To The Greater Glory of God – Beginning before the Nativity, extending through the Crucifixion and Resurrection, and using authentic biblical sites in Israel and the surrounding areas, this inspirational drama brings to life the story of Jesus Christ, as recorded in the Scriptures.

This could be a great story. But it’s not a logline. You must write it so we understand at least: main character, goal and main objective for this specific story. ;)
on With a dying sister in one hand and a game of trust in the other, a young man attempts to find a cure while finding his purpose in a world overseen by a growing top secret crime organization before his sister dies.

He must have only one mission in the logline. And it must feel impossible to solve. What is he actually going to beat? What if we say: In a world overseen by a top secret surveillance organisation - a young…
on A housebound vigilante predator catcher has 24 hours to rescue an abducted child before she’s murdered using only the internet and his cell phone.

I like the short length. But something is missing to catch my attention. We must think this is an impossible mission. And with a vigilante predator catcher, the internet and his cell phone…. Well, it doesn’t seem very impossible. What…
on Re-Ballance

This would imply he is not killed but kidnapped.. but I think it’s good.
on Re-Ballance

I like the strong friendship between CEO and cop. So why add the cop’s family. Who is he fighting for: the friend or the family? I prefer the friend. It’s original. What happened in the friendship between the two? Are…
on When a dystopian future threatens humanity, a reluctant hero must embark on a perilous journey through a series of secret dream sequences, guided by an advanced AI, to uncover the key to saving the world

Make it more personal: It is easier to write when you add relations. What relations is this about? Something like: When a highly decorated retired soldier’s daughter (or wife or son or father) is kidnapped by villains who seek to…
on A recently separated couple find themselves stranded in the Arizona desert on their way to a family holiday function.

Add more stakes: What if: A divorced couple who can’t stand each other find themselves stranded in Arizona forced to cooperate in order to make it for their daughter’s wedding. ;)
on A successful producer’s world is turned upside down when she learns that her hit TV show is being canceled. Now at a crossroads, she’s forced to revisit her own “gotaways” of the past, in hopes of finding her way once again.

Why should I care about a woman whose hit show is being cancelled? So what..? What does it mean to her… she can’t feed her children, she loses everything she owns, she…? What if the decade long to-show is cancelled…
on A well-known celebrity falls for a girl, unknowingly below his social status. He’s torn between honoring his familial traditions and societal expectations regarding relationships or following his heart and true desires regardless of the consequences.

I think the log line works. But have you heard about the expression Manic Pixie Dream Girl? Google it. I would suggest twisting the klichee 1 time. For example: Make it a female celebrity falling for a poor man.
on A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

Hi Lotcher. Exciting plot. I immediately thought: what if he paid a man to look after his wife (and not ex-wife)... The secret relationship would hurt the main character more, this way. :)
on A Japanese American young woman discovers deadly recordings of her parents who died unexpectedly.

Exciting… but it’s like you need the action. How does the tapes/recordings turn her life around. What is her quest…? Maybe continue this: After finding deadly recordings of her parents who died unexpectedly a Japanese Amarican woman… For example -…
on After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

Why is it important to him to play soccer? What does the ball represent? And what is at stake (if he doesn't.... then....). how about: When a grieving soccer player starts talking to the ball he received from his dying…
on A failed private investigator becomes entangled in the disappearance of a 17-year-old girl to clear a large gambling debt.

Nice to hear. Let me know how you figure it out! :) what DK series do you watch?
on A failed private investigator becomes entangled in the disappearance of a 17-year-old girl to clear a large gambling debt.

I like the story when I read your synopsis, but your logline needs polish. How about: When a failed investigator can't pay back his gambling debt he gets 1 week to find the missing daughter of a murderous creditor. It's…
on Unable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a gifted young teacher comes to work for a family that has been beset by tragedy and serendipitously changes all their lives for the better

*widower man (of course)
on Unable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a gifted young teacher comes to work for a family that has been beset by tragedy and serendipitously changes all their lives for the better

I think you have to work with the word “comes to”… this has to be a something she has to do … or else… So maybe something like.. Unable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a young…