White Shadow

Penpusher · 61 points

239 points to Logliner

on When a business graduate of the new generation wants some money for his new business he is up against the best and wins.

I believe you can try re-wording most of it. Also give more detail about the best and wins, What does that mean? Can it just be a business graduate, does it have to be new generation. What about a new…
on When the normalcy of an overly meticulous statistical analyst is disrupted by the appearance of a small cloud above his head, he must find a way to get rid of it before his crititcal work presentation.

First half I believe works. But need to change the 2nd half. Try he needs to eradicate the cloud before his critical presentation at work.