KW
Samurai · 856 points
- 10 loglines
- 28 reviews
- 1
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I like the first part, "After a group of homeless friends... escape a shelter bully". It's enticing. But after that, the second part seems unclear. What do they now need protecting from? What has the New Year got to do…
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My first reaction to this logline is: So what? I don't mean that in a rude way, but there is nothing there to interest me. I don't care about big business growth and I would say very few movie-goers would…
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I really like this! My one gripe would be that I feel the female hacker should be more notorious or something, otherwise, I just don't buy that NASA would turn to her. She'd really must have a greater background to…
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My first impression is simply we don't know enough about the lead. Who is he? What are his weaknesses? Why is this going to be difficult for him to overcome? I wouldn't bother saying 'bright future' unless this is relevant…
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Yes, this reads a little clunky. But I find the idea of a video game built out of somebody's mind in order to penetrate it to find a secret really fascinating. Good luck with this story.
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I don't think the threat is real enough. At this stage, the students could spend the night in the haunted house, sleep soundly, get up, and have jam and toast for breakfast.? Who is the antagonist, and why should we…
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It took me a few seconds to grasp this logline with the phrase 'forced back'. I read as meaning 'forced to back away from'. As in 'they were forced back from the exploding car".? Also, if they are 'forced back'…
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I think this logline lacks details. It would be more powerful if we knew exactly what kind of tough case she is dealing with, and what specifically is causing the strain on her relationship.? Ideally, it would be great if…
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Okay, so there a few things odd here. The first sentence confused me. What do you mean 'lost'? Did he die? Did he go out for a smoke and couldn't find the door back in? Also, what on earth happened…
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This sound like a fun story. Although for a romance logline, I feel it lacks relationship tension. I feel I need to know something move about Jen. What's her flaw? What's she got against her ex? What do they need…
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