kvela

131 points

169 points to Logliner

Loglines

on After a curse warning, a defiant Napoleon fires cannon blasting the nose off Sphinx of Giza: realizing his troop are dying strangely one by one, he battles to unravel the curse of its invisible revenging guardian demon

Lots happening in this logline. A few questions: Who is the protagonist in this story? Who is the antagonist? Remember When?[a major event happens],?[the hero],?must?[do the main action].
on Novel: A french teenager runs away to fulfill his dream of becoming an actor in L.A.

How about something like "To prove to his family that he's not worthless, a French teenager goes to LA to become an actor."If you don't like that, you have to think about what it is that drives him to go…
on A soldier returns from war to bury his parents and tend to his sister who remains in a coma. He soon discovers her constant sexual abuse and seeks revenge on her behalf. ~this is a revenge film in the vein of Taken meets Identity~

Part of what made Taken work was the MC's estrangement from his daughter, so that when he rescues her it also redeems their relationship. Any way you could add that to this logline, like "A soldier estranged from his family…