KTMcIvor

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1 points to Penpusher

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2 reviews

Teetering on the edge of the Redshift Quasar, the last human colony has been destroyed leaving only the colony’s children behind and now every teenager’s dream is their worst nightmare.

February 6, 2014

on "For reliable Riley Duncan, the weeks between spring break and prom prove that the lessons of love and life learned on the back of pickup truck, a dumpster dive, and from one strange Echo will become the events he?ll retell for a lifetime."

This is a coming of age tale. When you break it town to all the events that equal what will be his coming of age parable, then you've already told the story. You need to find the mystery or a…
on Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board. Will this deadly psychological war destroy everything?

I get the general idea of the story but you need to be more precise and drop some of the detail. Shorten it up...for instance you may not need to include the division information, because a reader won't know what…