katiefracas

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

3 loglines
12 reviews

After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

February 13, 2013
After her man is taken hostage in a botched drugs heist his needy gangland girlfriend must unravel the truth behind what went down if either of them are to make it out alive.

February 13, 2013
After witnessing her boyfriends set up in a drug heist gone wrong a naive gangland girlfriend must unravel the truth behind what went down if she's going to get either of them out alive.

February 12, 2013

on After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

Thanks Kriss! I agree, simply unravel the truth is better and sharper. "After her boyfriend is taken hostage in a botched drug heist, an insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth to get him out alive" My only…
on After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

Its a shifting antagonist ... looks like its the gang that took her boyfriend, turns out the boyfriend planned it all... do you want to see that detail in the logline?
on After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

Richiev, I totally agree - it feels unnatural and forced. You are gold on this site! How do you like the below? When her boyfriend is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the…
on With stars in his eyes, small-town dreamer Dean arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder, and the realization that people are not always what–or who–they seem.

I like the improvements on this but how about giving us the PROCESS rather than the eventual outcome. (values destroyed) So something like (abbreviated) When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he'll have to fight to preserve his values…
on While investigating a missing persons case, tabloid journalist David Cross discovers a secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion in the woods of a rural Indiana town.

hi mmckean, I feel like in the above logline you have described the inciting incident rather than the main action of the story. I'm not clear whether the missing persons investigation will be the focus of your screenplay or whether…
on After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

Better? After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girlfriend is forced to unravel the truth from the lies in her attempt to get him out alive.
on After her man is taken hostage in a botched drugs heist his needy gangland girlfriend must unravel the truth behind what went down if either of them are to make it out alive.

Thanks - he's not the main character, this is all her P.O.V. I'll have another attempt...I really appreciate the feedback!
on A scientist and her group find a new element on archaeological excavations at an earth like planet making the group obsessed and killing each other but she pulls against her hallucinations and her group in order to get the element aboard the scientific base.

I like this idea a lot but I would love to see it streamlined. It seems like the core components are an element that inspires hallucinations which lead people to kill and the protagonist's goal of getting the element on…
on Leonard and Sheldon avert a nuclear disaster, as Amy tries to cure Raj of his social anxiety around women, while Bernadette throws Howard a birthday to remember.

Sounds like this could be a really interesting and truly original screenplay! As with Jan above me I think I agree that my concern is I don't get from your logline the sense of what your movie will actually be…
on Gwen lives her simple life in the Empire, until she is attacked by a Rogue Empowered. With her guardian kidnapped and the fate of everyone she loves depending on her forgotten Powers, will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?

Hey Rhiannond, Straight off I want to tell you I like the feel of your film - 'Empire' and 'Rogue Empowered' give a star wars vibe and I personally love Sci-Fi. Plus I can see with kidnapping, running and vital…