JustinEade

82 points

218 points to Logliner

Loglines

on A father is conflicted by his son asking about the family business, wanting to raise his son to be an honest man, a father must work against his own family to break the cycle of their petty crime.

A little vague. Sounds interesting with just a tad more colour... ie. is it a mob family, an IRA family etc. Also double use of the word family not necessary and 'Familys' definitely incorrect - with every word precious, good…
on When a young army colonel is haunted by his time on the battlefield, he must deal with the atrocities his past in order to survive life off the field. Man Down

A little on the vague side - no great hook which would make me want to see, or anything intriguing about the main character hinted at. Plus, grammatically incorrect, a word missing