Joshua L.

Recent reviews

• on When a teenage leader of a small anti-authority vandalism group gets caught by police, he must dodge the officers and steal one of their cars to get away.

  Or to clarify with the "or else"; it's like you're saying he needs to escape in order to escape.

• on When a teenage leader of a small anti-authority vandalism group gets caught by police, he must dodge the officers and steal one of their cars to get away.

  It's a bit wordy in this form. Consolidating it to 30 words or less would be a good start. Not sure if the "or else" section is really necessary. In this case, I feel it is fairly self explanatory that…

• on When a delusional young woman is confronted by the closure of her uncle’s vintage car dealership, she must travel cross-country to see it one last time.

  I believe it would be more effective to specifically indicate the action taken by your protagonist. Why does she need to see it one last time? How would she change from seeing it or not seeing it? Does the fact…

• on When a small teenager who wears an alien mask gets bullied and called a freak, the teenager must learn to hide from society to avoid getting bullied.

  There are definitely some places that I believe could be improved. I think you may have taken some of the advice too literally. For example, is there a reason to say he's "small" or "male"? The way you describe your…

• on When told that the fate of the insane is worse than that of a normal prisoner, a murderer who plans to pretend to be insane must attempt to make the court consider him a sane murderer.

  You do have a point, 36 words is probably a bit much. How does this sound?: When told the fate of an insane prisoner is worse than normal, a deceptive murderer must get the court to reconsider him sane.