JoelK

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

on A short-tempered aspiring hunter gets her dominant arm torn off after saving a friend and must cope with it if she is to ever become the best in the western world.

How the main character is supposed to "cope" with her new disability is not clear in this logline. What is the compelling action that your character needs to take to acheive her goal of becoming the best in the western…
on A veteran alcoholic detective enlists the help of a young inexperienced psychiatrist to catch a serial killer who is targeting the parents of abused children before the killer discovers the detective's dark family secret.

How did the detective stumble upon the case of the serial killer? What set him off on his "adventure" so to speak? I think the logline needs an inciting incident, an event that triggers the detective's search for the killer,…