jelewis8

Recent reviews

• on An alcoholic soldier must face his abusive father and confront his own addictions before he loses his memory.

  @dpg thank YOU for your sticking with the process and providing useful feedback! I'm all about getting there; the twists and winds of the road are necessary part of the journey. >>For the purpose of a plot and logline, the…

• on After living with the lie for 30 years that she heroically assassinated a notorious Nazi war criminal, a new clue gives a retired Mossad agent one last chance to finish the job she botched.

  Intriguing! I'm unsure if you actually need to include the "hook" (the lie) in this logline, as it seems like it might unnecessarily complicate the premise you're selling. The core premise is this Mossad agent coming out of retirement to…

• on An alcoholic soldier must face his abusive father and confront his own addictions before he loses his memory.

  So here's a long-winded, but possibly on the right track, version: When an alcoholic soldier with PTSD from the war in Afghanistan has a fatal confrontation with his abusive father after returning stateside, he is sent to a rehab facility,…

• on When an idealistic attorney discovers the man she freed from prison is a cold-blooded killer she chooses payback over ethics and mounts a stunning plan to put him back inside.

  What happens if she doesn't succeed in her plan?

• on In an anthromorpic world, a young lion cub Living in his father shadow, decides to create the world?s first diverse sports team. Determined to prove themselves, these outcasts battle against convention and use their differences as strength in a futuristic sport.

  So you can lose the "In an anthromorphic world" part (btw it's anthropomorphic). It's assumed the world you've created has some relation to people even if it's shown through the eyes and actions of an all-animal cast. This logline is…

• on A confirmed bachelor struggles to maintain a life of no commitments, no emotional attachments after a lonely boy adopts him as a surrogate dad.

  What's crazy is this strikes me as a logline that doesn't understand stakes. What happens if he doesn't succeed in his attempts to live a life of no commitments or emotional attachments? Right now this seems extremely low-stakes b/c the…

• on A Jewish-Hungarian concentration camp prisoner struggles to give a body he believes to be his illegitimate son a proper Jewish burial.

  My question is: is this a movie? Or is this a few scenes for a larger movie about survival, hope, perseverance and faith? Can you clarify WHY he wants to give his illegitimate son a proper Jewish burial? What is…

• on An alcoholic soldier must face his abusive father and confront his own addictions before he loses his memory.

  Thank you all so much for helping me workshop this. It's the toughest logline I've had to write b/c the story is more cerebral than concept-oriented.? You guys are asking all the right questions and helping me dig into the…

• on An alcoholic soldier must face his abusive father and confront his own addictions before he loses his memory.

  Goal is to overcome a family history of alcohol addiction and patriarchal abuse (verbal, physical, emotional). Memory loss comes from lithium treatments for PTSD, part of mandated treatment after returning from Afghanistan. So maybe a different approach would be: "After…

• on After he’s fired for accidentally killing a noble hero, and thus taking away honor from his evil warlord boss, a disgraced henchman is forced to become the champion of a local village in order to overthrow the tyranny of his former master.?

  There's confusion in the premise, leading to unsure expectations for the audience. It seems like an evil warlord wouldn't care if his henchman kills a noble hero--that's why he's evil, right? Then there's the passivity of the protagonist. He's forced…

• on When two donors to a rising fascist leader commit suicide, a conspiracy theorist FBI agent must investigate if there is a connection; but when he discovers an elaborate CIA plot to stop the fascist, he must put his country before the law, and protect future targets by killing their leader.

  This seems to have too much information in it. It seems like you are also missing key components that would help you simplify AND have a stronger emotional connection. I think you can get rid of the first part entirely.…