Hutchy13

27 points

273 points to Logliner

Loglines

on Aged out of foster care, Eric Grid needs to learn magic to defend himself from psychic attacks on his path to become rich in the poker tournaments controlled by the mafia.

This logline is good but the structure is off. The best structure for a logline involves the three elements; the event, the character and the action. These elements must be organised into the sentence structure of; "when [an event] happens,…
on When a down trodden high school chemistry teacher receives a terminal diagnosis he decides to cook crystal meth in order to support his pregnant wife.

It's good but you've mixed up the event and the character. First you must identify the event or the 'when a...' statement and then introduce the character or 'a...'. For this logline the better structure would be "When he receives…