hospas

128 points

172 points to Logliner

7 loglines
8 reviews

Loglines

When his uncle and Stepfather want a new council building, the council lawyer to impress his Mafia uncle and take over his uncle?s mafia empire , introduces parking fines but he must deal with an irate customer and his computing hacking stepbrother who by interfering with his plans threatens to make him look incompetent.

April 21, 2018
Logline (for 6 part series) An incompetent klutz but competent council lawyer, wants his uncle to name his as the next mafia boss so he can get girls but he needs to show he knows how to make money and can run a business. Logline for pilot When his uncle and Stepfather want a new council building, the council lawyer to impress his Mafia uncle and take over his uncle?s mafia empire , introduces parking fines but must deal with the problems that these cause.

April 21, 2018
A racially prejudices cricket fan about to lose the family hotel goes back in time with his prospective Indian son in law and must overcome his prejudices if he is to get back to his own time and save the pub.

July 2, 2016
Logline- A racially prejudiced cricket fan about to lose the family hotel because it has been declared aboriginal land, and he lacks funds for back rent , goes back to 1938 with his prospective Indian son in law where he finds a solution, a 1930 penny and learns his true heritage is aboriginal, but he has only 24 hours to overcome overcome mistrust and mistaken identity in a war weary Australia and he must work with his son in law if he is to survive an aboriginal curse, and and get back to his own time .

July 2, 2016
When during the 1896 depression a na?ve student learns he must have money to marry his girl he goes to Australia where he suffers emotional scars that affect his later decisions as the 31st US president.

May 1, 2016
When a rebellious bigoted Hells Angel member is shot by a Notorius gang member, his Irish, Jewish great grandmother takes his spirit back to her life in nineteenth century Ireland to see the effects of ignorance and to change his attitudes while his sister and the sister of the boy who shot him investigate what led to the incident.

February 26, 2013
A Jewish Irish female, influenced by Irish and Jewish mythology and mysticism as practiced in the bigoted ideological, religious and social structure of the early twentieth century, helps others with their lives as she herself struggles with prejudice, near death and perpetual displacement in her journey from wealth to poverty to the stability of marriage and escape to Australia.

July 22, 2012

Recent reviews

on A family – who are part of the same cult – discover that they must sacrifice themselves in order to enter the afterlife. But when Blake – the open-minded son – begins to suspect that there is no such thing, he must try to convince his brainwashed family to save themselves from their upcoming suicide. TITLE: Live to Die

I'd start off with Blake as he is the major characterWhen cult member Blake begins to suspect that there is no such thing, as the afterlife he must try to convince his brainwashed cult member family to save themselves from…
on When new clues from the diary of her long lost brother, help a young woman to solve a riddle of decades old crime, she is compelled to go to Siberia in search for her vanished family and a missing treasure.

This logline does not reveal any conflict, inner or outer. Is there an antagonist or something she must fight against.
on When a rebellious bigoted Hells Angel member is shot by a Notorius gang member, his Irish, Jewish great grandmother takes his spirit back to her life in nineteenth century Ireland to see the effects of ignorance and to change his attitudes while his sister and the sister of the boy who shot him investigate what led to the incident.

Sorry can't edit this. It should be the ghost of his Irish Jewish great grandmother takes his spirit back
on After an accident causes a successful CEO to lose both legs, he is forced to re-evaluate his life and identity

It would also be good if you gve an indication of the stakes as to why he had to review his life. Has he lost his memory and someone stolen his dientity? As a CEO he could keep his job…
on Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

I think you need t clarify what type of peace he is after, inner peace, peace for the war. Also is the war between people of today or his ancestors or a mixture ie who are at war
on A dark comedy about racism set during the Cronulla riots.

You need to imply who is the protagonist, their goal, who is the antagonist and what the story is about. Eg As racial tensions in Cronulla develop into a fight, Joe tries to organise his troops, stay alive and not…
on When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

I know you see a mistake but I'm a bit confused. Is the mistake the breeders of the warmongers who are slaves that attack the Roman empire and it the raptors who are freed that are the problem or was…
on A Jewish Irish female, influenced by Irish and Jewish mythology and mysticism as practiced in the bigoted ideological, religious and social structure of the early twentieth century, helps others with their lives as she herself struggles with prejudice, near death and perpetual displacement in her journey from wealth to poverty to the stability of marriage and escape to Australia.

This is too long so I tried to shorten it but it is probably still too long- The life story of an early twentieth century Jewish Irish female, her struggle with Irish and Jewish mythology, mysticism and religious bigotry as…