Grumpy

Penpusher · 24 points

276 points to Logliner

on When a manic-depressive sharpshooter?s mother is assassinated, he marauds a criminal empire for the elusive hit-man responsible.

I think it could be beneficial to be more specific about the nature of the antagonist - Who does the hit-man work for? Is the hit-man the antagonist, or was the hit carried out on another person's orders? Expanding the…
on A disgraced coach gets a second chance but must teach couch potato kids about baseball and life to win a championship trophy, a trophy wife, and the apple of his eye.

This feels a little unfocused. Perhaps rearrange it terms of goals and obstacles - A disgraced coach gets a second chance at success and love, but first they must deal with couch potato kid players, stiff competition, etc.