Gabriel.Ritter

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
6 reviews

When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

July 22, 2012

on A brilliant but reckless mechanic promises his dying brother that he will save the one girl who can cure a zombie plague before the military kill her.

I suppose, the Zombie plague is already taking place or at least is in preparation? It would add some supsense imho.
on When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

Thank you for your feedback. So, using your and elbigelow's advice, what about something like this: "A dinosaur army is conquering the Holy Roman Empire and only Charlemagne's handpicked elite troop The Scara stands in their way." I dropped the…
on A troubled teen and his mother relocate to a small town where he attends a school run by a syndicate of bullies who terrorize students and teachers alike. A former bully himself he?s legally forbidden to engage in violent action ? instead he trains a group of outcasts how to defend themselves.

It does sound interesting. Also the topic is relevant. I am just a little confused about the "legally forbidden to engage in violent action" - isn't everybody (except selfdefense)?
on When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

My other posting (starting with "Thanks for your feedback") was intended as an answer to yours.
on When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

Thanks for your feedback. In hindsight the whole logline is too convoluted and I tried to squeeze too much in it. Maybe I should have made it shorter: "When in the Early Middle Ages a megalomanic business mangate and breeders…
on When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.

Yes, I do see the mistake. But I do not see the edit button.

When in 800 AD a business magnate frees warmongering breeders of Raptors to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, only the Charlemagne's elite troop Scara (minus those who joined the Raptor army) stands in their way.