DanielSturman

Recent reviews

• on After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the powers to send her home.

  There's a motivation problem in Wizard of Oz. She wants to go home the moment from the moment she gets there, yet 'theirs no place like home' is the moral?

• on A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

  I've read you're comments, and I have some suggestions?for you: Retired suggests he is old, whereas you have implied elsewhere that he left space based on a an emotional disorder, so make that point. You say the story is set…

• on When a teenage Jewish boy in Auschwitz learns his dream girl is Hitler?s daughter, he decides to stand up from the eyes of the SS and show death is not the only arousing them and not an infatuation he had on her.

  To "set up to stay in love with Hitler's daughter" suggests he has made a choice, but a passive one, and based on what revelation? Is the revelation that she is Hitler's daughter? If so, then shouldn't it be something…

• on After being a result of a failed superhuman strength enhancing experimentation. A young boy must find a way to escape and run away from his oppressive family of assassins in order to achieve his dream of living like an ordinary human being.

  I'm guessing him escaping or realising that his family are bad guys is his inciting incident, as?his being born probably can't be.

• on A workaholic midwife becomes pregnant with twins after a drunken one night stand and with the help of her friends adjusts to her new life as a mother.

  Is the inciting incident the discovery of the pregnancy or the birth/ongoing motherhood? It's hard to suddenly land in motherhood, unless her sister dies and she has to raise an already-born baby?

• on after-surviving-a-serial-killer-attack-thanks-to-the-donated-organs-of-three-girls-arata-must-remember-the-identity-of-the-murder-who-attacked-him-while-the-spirits-of-the-girls-of-its-new-organs-fol

  If you want it to be a comedy, why not have the protagonist by majorly unhealthy and has a heart attack and the girls are not only the victims of the serial killer, but as a final humiliation their?organs are…

• on An Amature Drug-dealer decides to sell drugs by Dark Web, But he realizes it is not like he thought.

  I'd love to know what the big problem is. The "its not like he thought" sounds like you are hiding the stakes.How about this: A?high school drug dealer comes under the radar of a psychopathic drug lord when he starts…

• on Thanks!

  When a hack?composer is sent back to the old west he is free to plagiarist every great song yet to be written, but when he meets a blind girl with real talent he helps her become the?first great American composer.

• on A father, convinced his young daughter has inherited his terrifying ability to commune with evil spirits, must find the man who disabled his ability, to reawaken it.

  The problem I foresee here is that the father would not be convinced enough to seek out an exorcist by the beginning of act 2. ?Usually in horror movies the father doesn't finally accept the paranormal until at least the…