Daniel Jullander

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

Loglines

on When a hooker attempts to steal a wallet from a drunken john, she accidentally makes a horrific discovery — the couple is not alone in a shabby room of a love hotel.

What role does the wallet play? For now it seems like stealing it is just something the hooker does when the main problem is presented. If the wallet must be important, maybe you could make it to the antagonist, like…
on When his Time Machine gets stolen, the time-traveler that runs away from responsibility must stop his mad-with-power best friend from ruling time and space, and save the world.

That fact that the thief is his best friend may be important for the turns, but is it really important now? Good points above about shortening the descriptions. Possible rewrite: When a irresponsible time-traveller discovers his time-machine has been stolen,…