carllord

Recent reviews

• on Disbelieving his addicted mother that he is fatherless, a faith-driven basketball star must jeopardize his championship hopes to uncover the heartrending truth about his long-lost dad.

  Hey Mike, Thank you for challenging me on this logline. Thankfully, a very established film producer has already read my screenplay and has expressed great interest in producing it. Of course nothing is guaranteed until the contract is signed. Unless…

• on A basketball star must battle his vengeful mother’s attempt to sabotage his championship hopes when a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad reveals the young man was abducted and raised under a false identity.

  Thank you yqwertz. I think I'm through actually posting anymore versions for a while. I did come up with another version (see below), which might be more effective? Logline: After a college basketball star plays on national television, his championship…

• on A basketball star must battle his vengeful mother’s attempt to sabotage his championship hopes when a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad reveals the young man was abducted and raised under a false identity.

  Would this logline make more sense? When a college basketball star, abducted as a child by his addicted mother is seen playing in a nationally televised game, he must prove his true identity or miss the playoffs when a distant…

• on A basketball star jeopardizes his championship hopes as he struggles with his drug-addicted mother and searches for his biological father.

  Thank you, Ty! Simple, but clear. I should try to remember that as I write loglines for my other screenplays. Lol!

• on Thomas Gunn gets a call from an old friend to come solve a murder down in Mississippi

  Maybe something like this: "A revered New York private investigator, with an unblemished record at solving murders, encounters his toughest case yet when summoned to the Mississippi Delta by the actual killer."

• on Abducted as a small child, a college hoop star must endure a season of unexpected obstacles when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.

  Thank you Leebo159. I like the slight arrangement of wording for my logline.

• on Abducted as a small child, a college hoop star must endure a season of unexpected obstacles when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.

  Great feedback from everyone. Without posting another version, here is another attempt. Logline attempt #1: Disbelieving his depraved mother that he is illegitimate, a godly college hoop star follows his faith to discover a dark family secret surrounding the truth…

• on Jeopardizing his shot at reaching the "Final Four," a devout star athlete, raised under an assumed identity, must outwit his vengeful, on the lam mother to find his missing dad.

  His mother mother abducted him when he was two years old to avoid being apprehended by the law for a crime. In my screenplay, she always told her son that he was illegitimate, but as he got older he didn't…

• on Before she dies, a terminally ill Irish banker, after keeping her 10-year-old daughter's birth a secret, must arrange for the young girl to meet her ex-baseball star/American father.

  Thank you for all of your help and suggestions. I'll continue to grind away at this. Best regards, Carl!

• on Before she dies, a terminally ill Irish banker, after keeping her 10-year-old daughter's birth a secret, must arrange for the young girl to meet her ex-baseball star/American father.

  Hey Guys! Here is another logline version for "LIFE'S CURVE," based on DPG's formula (see below) to construct a logline: "A terminally ill Irish single-mother must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that she is dying with a 10-year-old daughter…

• on Before she dies, a terminally ill Irish banker, after keeping her 10-year-old daughter's birth a secret, must arrange for the young girl to meet her ex-baseball star/American father.

  I can feel another screenplay rewrite coming on. The current premise has the ex-baseball star and current single father begrudgingly going back to Ireland. The reason being is that the Irish mother jilted him almost at the altar a decade…

• on After a decade apart, a guilt-ridden Irish banker who is terminally ill must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that her preteen daughter is actually his, so she can die in peace.

  Dpg, is this logline version better? Logline: After keeping her 10-year-old daughter's birth a secret, a terminally ill Irish banker must arrange for the young girl to meet her American father before she dies.

• on After a decade apart, a guilt-ridden Irish banker who is terminally ill must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that her preteen daughter is actually his, so she can die in peace.

  Dpg, I appreciate your feedback. I'll continue to refine and tweak my logline.

• on After a decade apart, a guilt-ridden Irish banker who is terminally ill must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that her preteen daughter is actually his, so she can die in peace.

  Thank you for the comments. I've included a short synopsis, which outlines my story. Any further suggestions are much appreciated. Synopsis: "LIFE'S CURVE" It's been 10 years and a brief-failed marriage since ETHAN DAVID, an ex-major-league pitcher and protective single-father…

• on When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty mother becomes a vengeful rival, jeopardizing his shot at championship glory.

  Here is the logline I re-wrote because of confusing elements, some of which you pointed out. The following version is one that several others seemed to agree on. When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty…

• on When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty mother becomes an insidious rival, jeopardizing his shot at championship glory.

  Great points, Debbie and Geno. The word "rival" is a bit confusing. When I looked up the definition used as a noun in the dictionary, it says "a person who is competing for the same object or goal as another,…

• on When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty mother becomes an insidious rival, jeopardizing his shot at championship glory.

  Since I came from a sports background, a "rival" to me was someone who was disliked, and posed the biggest threat to a great season or championship trophy. Of course, I don't want there to be any confusion on the…

• on An elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. He must prove his innocence, and seek his revenge, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp.

  Like Debbiemoon, I would also agree about more of a present day scenario, especially if a production budget comes in to play. I would also write your logline as follows. "When an elite member of a Special Forces unit is…

• on The great British icon suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous farce when an illiterate English twit, Will, and a black fry cook, Shakespeare, team up to become the world?s single greatest playwright.

  Although some people may not understand the reference to the "Great British icon," I personally love the set up with the "against all odds" relationship between Will and Shakespeare. The goal of a logline is to draw the reader in…

• on Abducted as a small child by his fugitive mother, a now college hoops star discovers a posthumous letter written by his long-lost father, inspiring him and his under-the-radar teammates to a shot at championship glory.

  Thanks Geno for the comments and suggestions. They make sense.