bivric

Recent reviews

• on When a devoted wife attends her high school reunion alone, a former classmate’s misspoken phrase triggers her alter ego as an elite assassin. Her husband/handler must intervene or there won’t be another reunion.

  I guess it is the husband that has to take action but the bigger target is too much for a comedy.? I'm thinking?Romy and Michele's High School Reunion meets Gross Point Grosse Pointe Blank. Even though it will be up…

• on An unconventional DIA agent tracks a terorrist cell with a dirty bomb to Cardiff. If detonated, it could kill thousands and it’s radioactive material would be traced to the US which would permanently destroy US/UK relations. ~~~This is for the 3rd novel in my Jullian Beck Adventures

  "An American special operator must track down stolen heavy fission material before it is used to destroy US/UK relations." Here is some background. This is the 3rd in my series and not wanting to rehash how the MC became involved…

• on A smart sophisticated business woman comes across a document that ends up pushing her to a limit beyond her control.

  I think we need more specifics such as what type of business.? Also, we need an antagonist other than a document like a secret organization behind the formation of the document.? Also, pushing the limit is a clich?

• on When a young girl is forced into the sex trade, she must choose her path to freedom even if it involves a vampire.

  Just some thoughts... If the girl didn't choose the sex trade, how is she given the choice out of it?? How about...? "After being forced into the sex trade, a young girl may find her way out after a mysterious…

• on After defying direct orders to abandon a helpess infant, a crack-shot sniper must embark on a dangerous journey to smuggle the baby across the border of a raging Civil War.

  "A Marine sniper risks his life and career when he chooses to rescue an abandoned infant during his escape from a raging civil war in (where?)"

• on After the worst week of his adult life, a dispirited nice guy chooses guidance on becoming an alpha over suicide.

  How is this? "An exemplar Beta male becomes dispirited when he loses a testicle, his job, and his wife all in the same week.?Suicidal until a con-man promises to mentor him into becoming an alpha male."

• on After the worst week of his adult life, a dispirited nice guy chooses guidance on becoming an alpha over suicide.

  Here is a small revision... Also, this is for a webseries I intend to produce soon. "An exemplar Beta male becomes dispirited when he loses a testicle, his job, and his wife all in the same week. Suicide might be…

• on A city detective, who’s going through a mid-life crisis, is summoned to a small town where he’ll struggle to catch a serial killer, and where he’ll also face the chance to give his life meaning again.

  Feeling irrelivant in his city, a detective tavels to a small town to track a serial killer and rediscovers his passion in life.

• on A mother to two clone children plans for more clone children, but she must make the world a place where they can survive, so she unleashes her ability to kill using only her brain, founding a world of potent and fertile.

  I don't think you need to give the conclusion of killing the brother in the logline.? I also don't see any reason to mention she has 2 cloned children.? ?I would simply say something like this: "Impeded by her own…

• on ?An unlikely duo of a wacky magician and a former Shaolin nun must stop the released demon to save the kingdom and their lives from the demon?s revenge.? ★ Accepted

  How does this sound??"When a trapped demon escapes, an unlikely duo of a faithless nun and a reluctant magician are tasked by the queen to recapture it and save the kingdom."

• on A hopeless romantic is stuck in a love triangle with her fiance and his bestman, and has three months to choose who she walks down the isle with.

  Why should we care who she chooses especially since there is no urgency with 3 months to do so.? ?Titanic, The Notebook, Sweet Home Alabama, and? Twilight, to mention a few, all have these love triangle decisions.? What makes your…

• on Novel: A french teenager runs away to fulfill his dream of becoming an actor in L.A.

  Why is he running away?? What is the winter camp?? Is is something set up for refugees?? And, like others mentioned, why LA when he could blend just as well in large cities with active film producing companies... Toronto, New…

• on After a decade of hunting terrorists. Liam?s new icy adventure to restore an abandoned ski lodge ends up with his former Special forces team having to adapt to being the hunted when they cross paths with a legendary creature known for its winter scream.

  Thanks for all the great responses... I've come up with a revised logline:While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into…