Billy14

1,122 points

1,378 points to Mentor

23 loglines
41 reviews

Loglines

When she starts being tormented by an evil force,? a business woman must seek help from her husband after he is committed to a psychiatric hospital for trying to open her third eye.

October 22, 2019
A young boy must complete an ancient and deadly rite of passage to prevent being reincarnated into a dying world when his father returns

October 6, 2019
An ambitious young street magician must undergo a rite of death and rebirth to defeat the guardian of a magical world hidden within our own.

September 14, 2019
Two occult detectives must investigate a murder at a prestigious boys boarding school when the body of a missing boy is discovered.

June 6, 2018
When a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)

September 8, 2017
1

After being revived from a near drowning, a conservative Christian teen must endure being tormented by an evil dwarf-like creature when his mother doesn’t believe him. (26)

September 2, 2017
When, after being revived from a near drowning, a devout little girl is plagued by nightly visits from an evil dwarf-like creature, (22) her two disbelieving teen brothers must convince their terrified, and missing, African housekeeper to help them find a way to banish it. (44)

August 31, 2017
When an accident causes his little sister to be tormented by an evil creature only she can see, a know-it-all teenager must recreate the accident to help her. (28)

August 29, 2017
A father, convinced his young daughter has inherited his terrifying ability to commune with evil spirits, must find the man who disabled his ability, to reawaken it.

August 2, 2017
After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager must struggle to resist when a bushfire causes unbearably hot summer nights. (27)

August 1, 2017
A skeptical priest is sent to investigate when the reverend of a small farming community claims to have found the next Messiah in a shy teenage boy. (26)

July 30, 2017
After a near drowning makes him the target of an evil spirit, an avoidant teenager must endure hellish heat when a bushfire threatens to destroy his hideout. (27)

July 25, 2017
A by the book detective puts his career in jeopardy when he allows an unorthodox priest to punish a recently apprehended serial killer. (23)

July 23, 2017
A renegade priest confesses to a detective the origin story of his uncanny ability to put “The Fear of God” into any man. (23)

July 21, 2017
A troubled South African teenager learns the true meaning of prayer when he confronts a TOKOLOSHE. (16)

June 19, 2017
A writer suffering from a MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS must return to his childhood home to reenact the traumatic events that alleviate his symptoms.

June 17, 2017
When his medication stops working, a divorced writer must relive the inception of his MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS to remember how he stopped it as a child. (26)

June 16, 2017
When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)

June 13, 2017
When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)

June 13, 2017
When a hardcore gamer learns the true nature of an horrific childhood experience, he must face the little black evil that tormented him as a child again.

June 10, 2017

Recent reviews

on When she starts being tormented by an evil force,? a business woman must seek help from her husband after he is committed to a psychiatric hospital for trying to open her third eye.

A materialistic, success-orientated business woman must endure a terrifying spiritual transformation when her cultist ex-husband returns from the Judean desert with a lost dead sea scroll.
on When she starts being tormented by an evil force,? a business woman must seek help from her husband after he is committed to a psychiatric hospital for trying to open her third eye.

A no-nonsense business woman must find a way to stop an evil entity when her cultist ex-husband succeeds in opening her third eye.
on When Josh receives a mysterious phone call from the hospital by his estranged son, he must decide whether to sign a medical agreement that will alter his child?s life forever.

What is the action that will carry your protagonist through 50 pages of ACT 2? He must WIN something/someone He must STOP something/someone He must RETRIEVE something/someone He must ESCAPE something/someone These 4 actions will help you think about what…
on An ambitious young street magician must undergo a rite of death and rebirth to defeat the guardian of a magical world hidden within our own.

When his estranged father returns and performs an act of true magic, an ambitious young street magician must undergo a dangerous rite of death and rebirth to defeat the malevolent creature guarding the source of true magic. After the rite,…
on An ambitious young street magician must undergo a rite of death and rebirth to defeat the guardian of a magical world hidden within our own.

REVISED <after checking the formula> When his estranged father returns and performs an act of true magic, <12> an ambitious young street magician <6> must undergo a rite of death and rebirth <8> to defeat the guardian of a magical…
on Two occult detectives must investigate a murder at a prestigious boys boarding school when the body of a missing boy is discovered.

Please help me get started on this. The detectives cannot believe that the cause of death was supernatural. The face of the dead boy however looks like that girl in the closet from The Ring and the cause of death…
on When androids of a wild west theme park start gaining conscience, the scientist behind the show must overcome the senior manager’s intention to shut down the current program.

DPG I LOVE YOU!!!
on When a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)

Dpg and Nir, Thanks for your input. It's really great having, not one but, two experienced logliners to bounce ideas around with. Everyone in my life is pretty much completely uninterested in stories. I NEED YOU GUYS SO BAD!!! Without…
on When a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)

What's with the "fantasy world" advice? Lol It's not a fantasy. Okay, so my first thought was that he goes through with the Rite because he's after the money. But with the new scenario it would be curiosity. What was…
on When a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)

Okay, how about this scenario: A teen and his mother and her second husband. The teen has been raised to be extroverted, a socially adept member of society. But he is an introvert and secretly yearns for something more, something…
on After being revived from a near drowning, a conservative Christian teen must endure being tormented by an evil dwarf-like creature when his mother doesn’t believe him. (26)

God allowed Satan to torment Job. Yes. As God allowed the evil dwarf like creature to torment my protagonist. Job was a good man. He had no flaw. Or did he? I don't think he did. Neither does my protagonist.…
on After being revived from a near drowning, a conservative Christian teen must endure being tormented by an evil dwarf-like creature when his mother doesn’t believe him. (26)

Thanks again guys. Im working on a new logline now. The core idea is the same. Its always been the same. Ive just been trying to find the right vehicle for it. Ive come up with so many story ideas…
on After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager must struggle to resist when a bushfire causes unbearably hot summer nights. (27)

I'm giving up on this story until I can get something normal right. This thing has been a pain in the ass for 10 years now. Moving on to something with more action.
on After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager must struggle to resist when a bushfire causes unbearably hot summer nights. (27)

After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager's struggles to resist lead to a confrontation with forces, forgotten but never forsaken. (28)
on After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager must struggle to resist when a bushfire causes unbearably hot summer nights. (27)

MC's flaw = he is a coward but rightly so. MC's Inciting Incident = Near drowning results in ability to commune with evil spirits. MC's main action = struggles to resist his ability. He doesn't want to make contact with…
on After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager must struggle to resist when a bushfire causes unbearably hot summer nights. (27)

After a near drowning awakens an ability to commune with evil spirits, (12) a cowardly teenager's struggles to resist making contact lead to a deeper understanding of his ability. (28) I have a story. I'm just really struggling to get…
on A skeptical priest is sent to investigate when the reverend of a small farming community claims to have found the next Messiah in a shy teenage boy. (26)

When a small town reverend is baptized by a teenager, a priest is sent to investigate his claim that the boy is the next Messiah. (25)
on A by the book detective puts his career in jeopardy when he allows an unorthodox priest to punish a recently apprehended serial killer. (23)

When his twin daughters are murdered and man's law fails, a priest must find the murderer before the police do to exact his revenge according to God's Law. (28)
on After a near drowning makes him the target of an evil spirit, an avoidant teenager must endure hellish heat when a bushfire threatens to destroy his hideout. (27)

I understand what you mean when you say it sounds a short. That's why I wanted to frame this story with the story of the unorthodox priest. The teenager becomes the unorthodox priest with the power to put the FEAR…
on After a near drowning makes him the target of an evil spirit, an avoidant teenager must endure hellish heat when a bushfire threatens to destroy his hideout. (27)

He hides because he is shit scared. He cannot kill the creature because he is shit scared. So he hides until the heat from the bushfire, coupled with the return of the creature, push him to breaking point. He surrenders.…