BHerr

76 points

224 points to Logliner

Loglines

on A once successful landowner with picture perfect family, suddenly finds himself at the mercy of his arch-rival, forcing him to juggle single fatherhood with reclaiming his livelihood and dignity.

I think it would be a better logline if you could specify a few things: - Who is the arch-rival to the protagonist? ?Another landowner? Someone else? Without knowing this, it's hard to picture what he's up against, how high…
on “When he discovers his father will be fired as coach if he doesn’t bring home a championship, a popular quarterback must rally his good looking and talented team to beat the scruffy, overachieving, underdogs that, every year seem to defeat them in the final game.” -Overdogs-

I really love this idea! ?I agree that using the?father's job as motivation pulls me out of the meat?of the story, and agree it would?be better to stay focused on the rivalry/schoolmates. The?motivation of the girlfriend being stolen, makes perfect…