Alexpsmith

Recent reviews

• on When the grandmaster of all gangs is killed, The Warriors are labeled as the culprits, now with every gang in the city after them they must battle the streets to clear their name and reach home turf of Coney Island.

  When a unsuspecting street gang are accused of murdering the head gang leader chaos breaks out now with every gang in the city after them they must fight to clear their name a reach home turf Coney Island. The Protagonist…

• on After a series of volcanic explosions and earthquakes unleashes the 'Shaadowars', a race of monsters born from the depths of the world. The human race who inhabits the world has waged a brutal war for survival. An Australian Knight unsuspectingly teams up with a young Aboriginal boy who has the key to ending the devastating war and drag the world back from darkness.

  Hi.......It all sounds pretty cool.....It just needs tweaking Try When a intrinsic young Aboriginal boy meets a wounded Knight after a savage battle against a new breed of terror the "Shaadowars" they must consult the elders and banish the foreign…

• on When two missing teenage girls bodies are discovered, an unlikely pair of detectives must race to solve the case before more people dissapear.

  Hi... Which method do you Prefer???? Yes i agree Iam using the Insighting Spec Protag Objective Stakes. But Karel class of 2014 uses Flaw, Function, infighting, Goal,Shadow and Stakes.... Which do you use???

• on the seven deadly sins come to earth in human form. Than decide to compete for the soul of a novice priest with his destruction being the ultimate prize.

  What happens when the competing 7 deadly sins capture the novice priest?? Ultimate prize is not clear enough to the audience. Spelling mistakes??? Goodluck :)

• on When a series of unsolved murders turn up in a remote part of spain in the 1980’s, two ill – matched detectives must solve a cities darkest secrets revealing the shocking truth.

  Ok.....I shall repost it as a Classic.....

• on When a series of unsolved murders turn up in a remote part of spain in the 1980’s, two ill – matched detectives must solve a cities darkest secrets revealing the shocking truth.

  I admit Darkest secrets and Shocking truth are just observations at best with no real specific information. A game of throwing vague mysteries and random secrets.........Obviousley not. Marshland is a current film have you seen it??? 2 Detectives are on…

• on When a Chicago shootout is witnessed by two wily male musicians they must travel by train disguised as show girls to evade capture.

  No i believe that it is a opportunity to write up your favourite Classic movie log lines...... Billy Wilders script obviousley is way ahead of it's time. Jack lennon and Dean Martin are hilarious. Cheers.......The Original.

• on After they are wrongfully accused of murder, a street gang struggles to get back to their home turf ? as every rival gang in the city pursues them.

  Perhaps more information would reveal the Storyworld better. Try When the grandmaster of all gangs is killed, The Warriors are labeled as the culprits, now with every gang in the city after them they must battle the streets to clear…

• on When an over-curious hunter tragically disappears, the local townsfolk begin unravelling the legend of a fearsome predator stalking the rugged gorges of the River.

  Overly curious is a bit simple...............It is kind of like say a detective stumbles on to a crime. Look for a mental, social or psychological feature to heighten the characters arc. There must be Conflict and Change. Which River be…

• on On the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.

  Thanks for your feedback. Switched Order. Chiseled Vocabulary. Added Verbose. :) Cheers ;)

• on On the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.

  If the Antagonist vows to kill himself there is no Movie. As above said there has to be some connection, change of heart that makes it an option to change direction. Why does he have to out run this Enforcer.....What…

• on When a car – jacking goes wrong a young gang banger is pitted against police, but when the governors daughter is kidnapped he will be given one last chance at redemption.

  The lone teenager is picked because he has had previous dealings with the crooked ministerial militia that is responsible for the governors daughters kidnapping. Kind of like Micheal Douglas in Black Rain. He can hit the mark and take him…

• on When their Uncle is murdered by the Irish Mafia because of their dead father's debt, an honest citizen joins his teenage brother to take their revenge. They must fight against mobsters and the corrupt policemen who control the streets of Boston to ultimately dismantle the oldest crime group in the United States or die trying.

  Hi....This is to much information for a Logline. try switching the order around so the Logline is clearer. When a violent gangland killing erupts a grieving father and samaritan must smash the prevailing group or witness the death of their…

• on A solitary man unable to sleep for 15 years survives by recording everything he sees and playing it back to differentiate between reality and hallucinations, until he becomes the only witness of a multi million dollar crime and every single person wants to alter his reality.

  I tried to shorten the premise with......When a grieving husband has a stroke he awakens to discover his desire for revenge has become reality. Best of Luck ;)

• on A solitary man unable to sleep for 15 years survives by recording everything he sees and playing it back to differentiate between reality and hallucinations, until he becomes the only witness of a multi million dollar crime and every single person wants to alter his reality.

  I Applaud your efforts at a High Concept .....Inception type premise. However i think as DPG Says it is important to know the distinction and specific rules of the Story. Know the World of the story before writing the Story.…

• on When a unwilling farmer is killed his son is devasted, but when a unsanctioned genetic bug is unleashed he will have till the next crop to find a cure.

  Well...... the farmer is in charge of his crops but when the government treaten to use force to control the market......He is unwilling being a problem they execute him....... And bring in the Genetic Bugs....

• on When a aspiring rapper discovers his friend dead he wants revenge, but when he is blamed for a emerging drug war he must escape his pursuers.

  Thanks.....When a amoral aspiring rapper reaches out his benefactor is killed, now he must payback the proceeds or pay with his life. Will repost tomoz. Cheers.

• on When a car – jacking goes wrong a young gang banger is pitted against police, but when the governors daughter is kidnapped he will be given one last chance at redemption.

  Thanks When a gang banging teenager is caught in a violent gun battle his whole crew is killed, however when it is revealed that the governors daughter has been kidnapped, he will have one last chance at redemption.

• on When a tafe teacher learns of a new government order he is suspicious, but when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens he must rescue and reverse the effects.

  Thanks for the review. ok Tafe teacher ties into the relationship between the government privatising the school. No the inciting incident is when the M C meets one of the previous student film crews. Reverse the effects is not accurate…

• on When a music teacher discovers his new girlfriend is a serial killer, he must decide whether to turn her in or continue having amazing sex.

  The premise is a bit silly, with a serious lack of conscience. Choices Lets have sex and kill people isn't going to get you a lot of interest or support. It is lean but not interesting enough to warrant a…