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Edit2 – When a man inherits his father?s fortune he is shot while he sleeps, he wakes to his final day on earth rewinding around him and must figure out who shot him before he bleeds to death.
You must explain the connection between the main character being shot and him havin inherited his father?s fortune. Does the shoter wants to steal the money? If so, write it. "When a man, who has recently inherited his father?s fortune, gets killed in his sleep and wakes up again to face his final dRead more
You must explain the connection between the main character being shot and him havin inherited his father?s fortune. Does the shoter wants to steal the money? If so, write it.
See less“When a man, who has recently inherited his father?s fortune, gets killed in his sleep and wakes up again to face his final day on earth, he must figure out who shot him before night falls.” If you use “before he bleeds to death” it sounds like he wakes in the morning and is already bleeding; and therefor wouldn?t live for very long anyways.
When the prison transfer bus crashes in a remote mountain forest, a rookie officer must use her training to tame the violent inmates as well as survive against dangerous wildlife and a harsh blizzard while they await rescue.
Less is more... Pick one big problem for the rookie to overcome in her mission and describe only that in the logline. All the other problems are good and would likely work well in the script but the logline needs to describe only the major obstacle.
Less is more…
Pick one big problem for the rookie to overcome in her mission and describe only that in the logline. All the other problems are good and would likely work well in the script but the logline needs to describe only the major obstacle.
See lessUpon being marked by a shadow creature with a hunger for humans, a duplicitous man is exiled from his hometown and forced to confront his identity or face losing himself.
The goal for a protagonist should be to restore the balance offset by the inciting incident. What does confronting himself have to do with the monster? Losing himself... literally or mentally? This still has nothing to do with the monster though. If he's earmarked for death in the inciting incidentRead more
The goal for a protagonist should be to restore the balance offset by the inciting incident. What does confronting himself have to do with the monster? Losing himself… literally or mentally? This still has nothing to do with the monster though. If he’s earmarked for death in the inciting incident the goal should be to become un-earmarked by killing the monster or simply surviving.
What does his duplicity have to do with anything? Usually the characteristic helps to suggest an arc for a character or can be used to suggest a method in which the hero will carry out his task. In this current logline I don’t understand what bearing that has on the story.
Why is he exiled?
As others have pointed out, this is all a bit confusing and disconnected. There needs to be coherence with all the elements for the story to work.
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