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A young couple doesn’t attach much importance to their failing relationship until a gang commits a violent takeover of America and it parts them completely!
In case it hasn't been made clear already, the idea of a gang taking over America doesn't work - no rewording will make it work. I strongly suggest you rethink the very basic premise at hand. Instead of a gang, make it an invading force and preferably one that's believably capable of taking over oneRead more
In case it hasn’t been made clear already, the idea of a gang taking over America doesn’t work – no rewording will make it work. I strongly suggest you rethink the very basic premise at hand. Instead of a gang, make it an invading force and preferably one that’s believably capable of taking over one of the largest and most powerful nations in the world.
As for the stakes, how in any concievable form, does war compare to a relationship? It just doesn’t. Therefore their little relationship thing will pale in comparison to the threat of all-out war.
See lessBased on true events, a lonesome Sheriff?s lieutenant takes a supernatural, spiritual journey while attempting to unravel a conspiracy involving unsolved murders and missing persons and, in the process, has his cynical worldview turned upside down.
In all iterations of the logline thus far, the protag is described as being rather passive and emotionally disconnected. If it were me and my wife/girlfriend was killed, I'd be out there kicking ass to find the culprit - the rhetoric in a logline is as important as the details.What specifically MUSTRead more
In all iterations of the logline thus far, the protag is described as being rather passive and emotionally disconnected. If it were me and my wife/girlfriend was killed, I’d be out there kicking ass to find the culprit – the rhetoric in a logline is as important as the details.
What specifically MUST he do as a result of his loved one’s murder? Stop the cartel? Prevent others from being killed in the same way? His motivation to react to the event must be crystal clear.
My try:
See lessAfter a satanic drug syndicate murder his wife, an atheist sheriff must team up with a preacher’s daughter and the DEA to stop them from killing again.
A Secret Service agent kills the President to save the Presidency. 20 years later, he must help save his estranged daughter, the newest President, when she is taken hostage.
The biggest problem is you have a really cool open shot and you are desperate for us to see it. Link it to the story and it will make sense. Also stop with the cryptic sentence, does you no favours.
The biggest problem is you have a really cool open shot and you are desperate for us to see it.
Link it to the story and it will make sense. Also stop with the cryptic sentence, does you no favours.
See less