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When a man whose jobs is to take on identities suffers a malfunction with his new one, the man struggles with his identity vs the identity is suppose to be under, which could reveal the status and whereabouts of a new complicated nuclear sub.
A man is implanted with the memories of a person that can identify the location of a submarine but he is now swapping between his own and the implanted memories causing an identity crisis and endangering the mission. Very wordy. ?I?ll get back after some more work.
A man is implanted with the memories of a person that can identify the location of a submarine but he is now swapping between his own and the implanted memories causing an identity crisis and endangering the mission.
Very wordy. ?I?ll get back after some more work.
See lessAfter his girlfriend is kidnapped, an insecure stickler for the rules is forced to put himself into increasingly more dangerous and illegal situations over the course of one night in order to get the money to rescue her, while being chased by the entire police force of his town.
I agree with CraigDGriffiths. All the elements are there, it needs to be tightened up though. Inciting incident - The only thing I'd consider changing is adding who actually kidnapped her. It makes us aware of who the antagonist actually is and, as CraigDGriffiths pointed out, can hint at their motiRead more
I agree with CraigDGriffiths. All the elements are there, it needs to be tightened up though.
Inciting incident – The only thing I’d consider changing is adding who actually kidnapped her. It makes us aware of who the antagonist actually is and, as CraigDGriffiths pointed out, can hint at their motive so they’re not just one dimensional bad guys.
Protagonist – “an insecure stickler for the rules” – could you just say he’s “a law-abiding worrier” or “a straight-laced worrywart”? I think this covers e everything you want to tell us in 3 fewer words.
Goal – “to rescue her” – ties up with the I.I. and makes sense. I think the actions he takes to achieve this could be trimmed quite a lot. “is forced to put himself into increasingly more dangerous and illegal situations over the course of one night in order to get the money” – 24 words… that’s a lot! Would something like “must break the law and avoid the cops to get the money” work?
When his girlfriend is kidnapped by her gangster ex-boyfriend, a law-abiding worrier must become a criminal and evade the cops in order to get enough money to rescue her.
Hope this helps.
See lessSHORT: When a bank robbery goes wrong, a naive and desperate young man has 3 hours to retrieve the stolen money in order to save his grandmother?s life, while being chased by the entire police force of his small town.
How about this ? When a bank robbery goes wrong and his partner is caught by the police with the bag of money, a naive and desperate young man has 3 hours to retrieve the stolen money in order to save his grandmother?s life, while being chased by the entire police force of his small town.
How about this ?
When a bank robbery goes wrong and his partner is caught by the police with the bag of money, a naive and desperate young man has 3 hours to retrieve the stolen money in order to save his grandmother?s life, while being chased by the entire police force of his small town.
See less