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  1. Posted: January 10, 2020In: Thriller

    After his father’s death, a young man with autism discovers an experimental drug to help him cope with the murder of his classmate.

    Best Answer
    Tony Byrd Penpusher
    Added an answer on January 11, 2020 at 2:02 am

    He was 19 years old. He had lost his father. It helped him cope with his anxiety.  

    1. He was 19 years old.
    2. He had lost his father.
    3. It helped him cope with his anxiety.

     

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  2. Posted: January 8, 2020In: Thriller

    After an immodest teenager gets jilted at the school dance by her boyfriend and then loses the homecoming competition, she stumbles upon family secrets of lies and an unsolved murder mystery that turns her life upside down.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on January 9, 2020 at 10:29 am

    The setup and the goal should match.Your logline starts with one setup: The lead gets jilted (Which would imply being jilted is what the story is about)Then changes to family secrets.If the goal of the lead character is to solve the family secret. Then what sets the story in motion is when the leadRead more

    The setup and the goal should match.

    Your logline starts with one setup: The lead gets jilted (Which would imply being jilted is what the story is about)

    Then changes to family secrets.

    If the goal of the lead character is to solve the family secret. Then what sets the story in motion is when the lead discovers the family has a secret.

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  3. Posted: November 29, 2019In: Thriller

    A young medium is tasked with cleansing an old mansion but the spirits would kill to protect their dark secrets.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on December 1, 2019 at 10:27 am

    "...would kill..." should be 'kill' - make the danger imminent. Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal. For example: After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.

    “…would kill…” should be ‘kill’ – make the danger imminent.

    Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal.

    For example:

    After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.

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