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  1. Posted: June 17, 2016In: Thriller

    When a nuke?s tiny screw pops and triggers a countdown, a guard on night duty must find and reattach it before the missile detonates.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on June 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short... what the guard does? If it's a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.

    Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short… what the guard does? If it’s a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.

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  2. Posted: June 17, 2016In: Thriller

    When a writer looking for a new story decides to follow people as way to find inspiration he soon realizes he has more interest in interfering with people’s lives than in simply watching them, which leads him to find a cult he wasn’t supposed to find and face the consequences.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on June 17, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    Hello, I like the idea of a writer who follows people to get inspiration and then interfering - this is an interesting concept. But I don't feel 'organic' the part with the mysterious cult... how that fits with the character? If the movie is about the cult, then the logline uses too much words to deRead more

    Hello,
    I like the idea of a writer who follows people to get inspiration and then interfering – this is an interesting concept. But I don’t feel ‘organic’ the part with the mysterious cult… how that fits with the character? If the movie is about the cult, then the logline uses too much words to describe how the main character finds the cult, and?what I like in your story becomes just a part of the first act. Maybe you can try to include in the logline what links the cult (what cult?) to the main character’s flaw/obsession/goal.

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  3. Posted: June 14, 2016In: Thriller

    When an attention seeking YouTube prankster is scammed by a car salesman he enlists the salesman?s captivating assistant to help seek compensation but her unorthodox methods and pranking involvement becomes creepy.

    Wayne Logliner
    Added an answer on June 17, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Thanks Nir,? I see what you mean!? Below is another draft.?? I could cut off the end about the "assistant", but she is a big part of the story (an ally shapeshifting to villain): When an attention seeking YouTube prankster is scammed and left without a car to operate his business, he seeks compensatRead more

    Thanks Nir,? I see what you mean!? Below is another draft.?? I could cut off the end about the “assistant”, but she is a big part of the story (an ally shapeshifting to villain):

    When an attention seeking YouTube prankster is scammed and left without a car to operate his business, he seeks compensation but deviates into darker territory of vengeful blackmail, robbery and murder when he is wooed by the scammer?s sociopathic assistant.

    Any tips / comments are greatly? appreciated.

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