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An art thief must survive an auction where a masked killer hunts the bidders for their secret sins.
Agreed with the above comments. Also the action the antagonist takes, or in other words what the main character is trying to prevent is unclear. What does hunt them for their sins mean? Is the killer killing them or stealing their memories of their sins? Obviously you mean the killer is killing, butRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
Also the action the antagonist takes, or in other words what the main character is trying to prevent is unclear. What does hunt them for their sins mean? Is the killer killing them or stealing their memories of their sins? Obviously you mean the killer is killing, but the logic of a killer walking around a crowd killing them with out any body noticing or acting to stop him or her doesn’t make much sense.
See lessBoxed in a airless cavern, competitive cave divers must plan a headlong exit back to land when a ravenous sea monster breaks their guide lines.
A lot of the descriptions and actions in the logline are confusing.What was the event that resulted in them being trapped in the cave? This would be the inciting incident and needs to be described in the logline. For example: After an earth quake competitive cave divers are trapped in a cave...WhatRead more
A lot of the descriptions and actions in the logline are confusing.
What was the event that resulted in them being trapped in the cave? This would be the inciting incident and needs to be described in the logline.
For example:
After an earth quake competitive cave divers are trapped in a cave…
What is a competitive cave diver? Is this a regulated sport or just a term describing how these people are competitive in nature?
How many divers are involved?
Best to specify one character as the main character, and structure the plot around them instead of having?an arbitrary number of characters.
Lastly the setting is unclear. Are they out at sea? In a cave under the ocean floor? Or in a water filled cave under ground on land that’s connected to the sea?
As the setting, in this instance, plays such a pivotal role in shaping the plot, it’s best to be very clear on where the story is set. More to the point, the plausibility of the story will rely on the plausibility of the characters in the setting.
See lessObsessed with causality, a mathematician creates future simulation software only for it to predict he’ll die in three days unless he is prepared to kill a complete stranger, who is somehow connected to his fate, but instead he begins falling for her
This sounds a lot like Minority Report meets A Beautiful Mind. With this concept i'm sure the story could quickly become very convoluted so make sure that doesn't come across in the logline. Make it simple, short and concise. try something like: A lonely mathematician obsessed with causality createsRead more
This sounds a lot like Minority Report meets A Beautiful Mind. With this concept i’m sure the story could quickly become very convoluted so make sure that doesn’t come across in the logline. Make it simple, short and concise. try something like:
A lonely mathematician obsessed with causality creates a future simulation program only for it to predict he will die in three days unless he kills a stranger who he begins to fall for. (33 words) – This could be even tighter. Rule of thumb is if it can’t be done in 20-25 words it can’t be done in a screenplay.
Otherwise, very interesting concept and good job!
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