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A smart sophisticated business woman comes across a document that ends up pushing her to a limit beyond her control.
As others have noted.? The logline is vague and presents her as a passive, reactive victim of the document.? Protagonist's are supposed to be proactive not reactive. The document contains a discovery.? The discovery constitutes the inciting incident. That needs to be stated with greater specificity.Read more
As others have noted.? The logline is vague and presents her as a passive, reactive victim of the document.? Protagonist’s are supposed to be proactive not reactive.
The document contains a discovery.? The discovery constitutes the inciting incident. That needs to be stated with greater specificity.
As a result of this discovery, she must do something.? What must she do?? What becomes her objective goal?
I suggest you consult “Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry standard logline.
fwiw
See lessA lady gets home to a surprise for a date, she awaits the surprise only to be more surprise at the turn of events
Jibby, I'm confused at what the plot is for your thriller. You need to check out the formula for writing a logline and then applying it to what happens in your own story in a clear, razor-sharp and short-as-possible sentence. Good luck,
Jibby,
I’m confused at what the plot is for your thriller. You need to check out the formula for writing a logline and then applying it to what happens in your own story in a clear, razor-sharp and short-as-possible sentence.
Good luck,
See lessA soldier returns from war to bury his parents and tend to his sister who remains in a coma. He soon discovers her constant sexual abuse and seeks revenge on her behalf. ~this is a revenge film in the vein of Taken meets Identity~
After losing his parents a [adjective] soldier returns home to care for his comatose sister, only to find out she's been sexually abused for years. Enraged, he hunts down the people who hurt?his?only surviving family member.Thoughts?
After losing his parents a [adjective] soldier returns home to care for his comatose sister, only to find out she’s been sexually abused for years. Enraged, he hunts down the people who hurt?his?only surviving family member.
Thoughts?
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