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When an ambitious archeologist finds an ancient crystal engraved with a hidden message, he funds a secret sea creature who unlocks the message so his brain remembers the secrets of the Atlantis civilisation in the crystal, allowing him to release the Talisman Knights; the so called purveyors of ancient antiques; to release their grip on him.
"funds"? Did you mean to write "finds"? "his brain remembers": why include 'his brain'? There's just too much to taken in for me to care about any of this. What is going to be the dramatic/emotional engine? The duplication of 'secret/secrets' and 'release' makes the logline sound clumsy. You may neeRead more
“funds”? Did you mean to write “finds”?
See less“his brain remembers”: why include ‘his brain’?
There’s just too much to taken in for me to care about any of this.
What is going to be the dramatic/emotional engine?
The duplication of ‘secret/secrets’ and ‘release’ makes the logline sound clumsy.
You may need to use spelling software as “metaphics” is another typo.
This seems to be all McGuffin and nothing else.
A rookie airport security guard battles absurd rules and corporate politics while managing a quirky group of night shifters, struggling to maintain his sanity and job amidst constant workplace drama.
The concept needs to be framed in terms of a singluar, specific objective goal the rookie is struggling to achieve inspite of crazy situations and absurd rules. What is the through line, the story spine on which all the other pieces hang?
The concept needs to be framed in terms of a singluar, specific objective goal the rookie is struggling to achieve inspite of crazy situations and absurd rules. What is the through line, the story spine on which all the other pieces hang?
See lessIn a post-apocalyptic world, five genetically enhanced children raised by a corrupted AI must navigate a crime-riddled society, unknowingly undermining a rival AI striving to end war and violence.
The hook of the story is carbon-based kids being raised by silicon-based AI. And I think it is an intriguing one. However: >>Dramatic Question: Are the kids really the future of the world, or are they the harbingers of its downfall? It is better to frame the dramatic question in terms of a speRead more
The hook of the story is carbon-based kids being raised by silicon-based AI. And I think it is an intriguing one.
However:
>>Dramatic Question: Are the kids really the future of the world, or are they the harbingers of its downfall?
It is better to frame the dramatic question in terms of a specific, concrete objective goal that either the kids or the the AI must achieve. What is that specific, concrete objective goal?
By that I mean, what’s the visual? Movies are a visual medium. What’s the visual on kids being “really the future of the world” or “harbingers of its downfall”?
What’s the scene that dramatizes and visualizes that the main character(s) have succeeded–or failed?
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