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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Here's a rewrite: The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but must fend off, fight, and negotiate with every power mad government and greedy corporation who will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Here’s a rewrite:
The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but must fend off, fight, and negotiate with every power mad government and greedy corporation who will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
See lessIn the early 1960s, a young mother’s anxiety makes her suspicious of everyone, even her 11 year-old son, who takes on a mission to heal her by making her laugh.
I love the idea. Can you rewrite the logline by focusing more on the main character (the son)? What specific event made him decide to take action? And given that healing is a process, what is the specific point the audience will be looking forward to, i.e. what will indicate that he is successful? MRead more
I love the idea. Can you rewrite the logline by focusing more on the main character (the son)? What specific event made him decide to take action? And given that healing is a process, what is the specific point the audience will be looking forward to, i.e. what will indicate that he is successful? Most great story concepts allow us to visualise what a positive outcome would look like.
Am I assuming right that this is to be a comedy?
Where will the comedy come from? Because anxiety is not funny… and if we’re going to make the mother laugh, the situations better be funny to the audience, too.
Those are few off-the-cough thoughts. I hope this is helpful!
See lessFive young singers from New York took the pop music scene by storm in the 1990s as a boy band, but along the way, they learn the hard lesson about the price of fame.
Sets up the stolry nicely, but for me does not get at the primary conflict -- are they poor and get spoiled by wealth; will they have relationshhip troubles; will they be taken advantage of by dishonest power brokers?
Sets up the stolry nicely, but for me does not get at the primary conflict — are they poor and get spoiled by wealth; will they have relationshhip troubles; will they be taken advantage of by dishonest power brokers?
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