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A 16-year-old ambitious dancer and her boyfriend discover that she is pregnant before her important competition and have to make a decision.
That's the conflict -- what's the story? All characters have to make decisions; it's the basis of every scene they're in...at least it should be. Loglines are the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. These are hinted at here but not defined, and not in dramatic fashion. What's the competitRead more
That’s the conflict — what’s the story? All characters have to make decisions; it’s the basis of every scene they’re in…at least it should be. Loglines are the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. These are hinted at here but not defined, and not in dramatic fashion. What’s the competition for? What does she stand to gain or lose, by winning or not? How does her condition affect this, will she drop out, dance with a big belly, hire a babysitter, what? There isn’t enough detail here to see what the story could be. An ambitious teenage dancer discovers she’s pregnant right before a big competition, and has to track down her boyfriend to tell him before showtime. If it’s more about whether they opt to keep the kid, mention that. Whatever makes the stakes clear, with the main character’s goal stated.
See lessWhen the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they're doing...not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?
Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they’re doing…not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?
See lessWhen his murderous creditors granddaughter goes missing, in electric, neon drenched Tokyo, burn out, failed private investigator Joe Horiuchi is given a week to find her to pay off a large gambling debt, and discovers deep seated corruption of politicians tied to human trafficking and the organized crime gangs running them; but when the officer helping Joe wants to arrest him, he must rediscover his purpose in life and earn the trust back of those he cares about in order to venture further down the dark rabbit hole of organized crime to unearth the source of corruption before he gets his arm cut off.
Intriguing story! I’d watch’s series about organized crime in Japan. For a logline, see if you can capture the key ingredients (main character, catalyst, their challenge) in fewer words. Hit me with just the essence of your story - and quickly - and leave out the rest, to make me want to watch it toRead more
Intriguing story! I’d watch’s series about organized crime in Japan.
For a logline, see if you can capture the key ingredients (main character, catalyst, their challenge) in fewer words. Hit me with just the essence of your story – and quickly – and leave out the rest, to make me want to watch it to find out what happens.
See less