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A washed up journalist desperate to rekindle his career, forced to take an anniversary piece in a sleepy town must hack through deadly social terrain when he discovers the town harbors dark secrets they want, and anyone who tries to expose them, buried.
Great premise, although from the way it’s worded, it reads more like a horror film in my opinion. That being said, I made a couple of tweaks just to help make it a bit more concise. Feel free to use what you like and discard what you don’t 🙂 A washed up journalist takes on an anniversary piece onlyRead more
Great premise, although from the way it’s worded, it reads more like a horror film in my opinion.
That being said, I made a couple of tweaks just to help make it a bit more concise. Feel free to use what you like and discard what you don’t 🙂
A washed up journalist takes on an anniversary piece only to discover that it harbors dark secrets in a town where anyone who digs too deep meets a sinister end.
This keeps the essence of what you were trying to say while also improving the clarity a bit. For me personally, I also try to keep loglines at 30 words or less.
See lessAfter becoming the sole survivor of his adventuring party a barbarian now protects the town’s children by slaying the monsters under their beds. But when a rise in monster attacks threatens everyone, he must overcome his survivor’s guilt and PTSD to save the town.
You might have to explain better where the PTSD comes from, but it's okay since we see who the protagonist is, what he does, the threat and his target. I would make it shorter.
You might have to explain better where the PTSD comes from, but it’s okay since we see who the protagonist is, what he does, the threat and his target. I would make it shorter.
See lessWhen a young video store clerk receives a proposition to make a snuff movie from a mysterious man, he decides to convince his friend to kidnap a girl and make the movie.
It’s definitely got potential, but here is a more concise version that I think captures the essence in fewer words: After a video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it... I put the ellipses at the end becauseRead more
It’s definitely got potential, but here is a more concise version that I think captures the essence in fewer words:
After a video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it…
I put the ellipses at the end because I think something could be added that maybe focuses in on the moral dilemma or the stakes a bit more.
For example, you could say something like “After a young video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it, but things take an unexpected turn when they realize she’s a serial killer.”
That’s not perfect either as you ideally want to aim for a logline that’s 30 words or less, but hopefully that will get you on the right track! 🙂
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