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“A fateful accident tries to separate a love without limits between an emerging artist and a promising lawyer, but fate and science will help that love to continue living in one body to fulfill the dreams of both.”
Doesn't tell us what the story is, who the people involved are,? what they want, or what's stopping them. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict stakes. Also, how can an accident try to do something? It's a non-entity. The whole thing is vague and unclear. Give us specifics.
Doesn’t tell us what the story is, who the people involved are,? what they want, or what’s stopping them. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict stakes. Also, how can an accident try to do something? It’s a non-entity. The whole thing is vague and unclear. Give us specifics.
See lessDuring a Hollywood party, Marlon Brando and Montgomery Clift compete to prove who is the greatest actor – and end up using James Dean as a pawn in their game of psychological oneupmanship.
Agreed - with everyone's points. It doesn't quite turn me on either. If I remember correctly - I wanted to do something a bit like SLEUTH and WHOSE AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF. My thing would rely on three people in a room. Fine for a 10 page short (which it was back in 2007) but for a feature film - pRead more
Agreed – with everyone’s points.
It doesn’t quite turn me on either.
If I remember correctly – I wanted to do something a bit like SLEUTH and WHOSE AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF. My thing would rely on three people in a room. Fine for a 10 page short (which it was back in 2007) but for a feature film – perhaps not.
See less4 When a man leaves his cruiser with his best friend who then flees in it, he must convince the Water Police that there is no crime but they should save his friend in the sinking cruiser.
Better -- you're getting across the ideas that make up the story. But it's still unclear why this is happening and how some of it relates to other aspects. Part of the issue is the complicated phrasing -- see my thoughts here about not starting a logline with "When" - https://loglines.org/the-case-fRead more
Better — you’re getting across the ideas that make up the story. But it’s still unclear why this is happening and how some of it relates to other aspects.
Part of the issue is the complicated phrasing — see my thoughts here about not starting a logline with “When” – https://loglines.org/the-case-for-an-updated-formula/
You’ve given us the four things needed in a logline — protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes — but they’re jumbled and unclear. A good rephrasing can fix all that.
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