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When a little girls father kills her mother before killing himself, she must convince her Sunday school teacher that she has seen GOD
If you give us a 'must', you must give us an 'or else'; or else the logline will seem incomplete"After the murder-suicide of her parents, a traumatized girl must convince her Sunday school teacher she has seen God, or else..." (This bad thing will happen)
If you give us a ‘must’, you must give us an ‘or else’; or else the logline will seem incomplete
“After the murder-suicide of her parents, a traumatized girl must convince her Sunday school teacher she has seen God, or else…” (This bad thing will happen)
See lessIn the aftermath of a high school shooting, a young popular teacher blames himself for failing to prevent it.
Agree with Mike. The teacher blames himself for the shooting, but you want to picture a story in your logline, not just a scene or two. The main conflict of your protagonist, along with his goal (goal and main conflict should be intertwined) are not mentioned in your version yet. He blames himself fRead more
Agree with Mike. The teacher blames himself for the shooting, but you want to picture a story in your logline, not just a scene or two. The main conflict of your protagonist, along with his goal (goal and main conflict should be intertwined) are not mentioned in your version yet.
He blames himself for the shooting. Why? And what does he do about it? What’s happening in the aftermath of this tragedy? Is there are a trial?
Key elements are still missing.
See lessTrying to finally get a social life, a shy introvert struggles to fit in with his cousin’s crass friends on the road to a music festival.
This is a good spark to a story, but I believe that it needs more conflict and stakes. A shy introvert can be a relatable character, but you need to establish him/her as someone who enjoys music, or sees a sentimental value in it. Furthermore, this would give us reasons to believe that he wants to tRead more
This is a good spark to a story, but I believe that it needs more conflict and stakes. A shy introvert can be a relatable character, but you need to establish him/her as someone who enjoys music, or sees a sentimental value in it. Furthermore, this would give us reasons to believe that he wants to travel with friends to a music festival. Also, you’ll need more stakes to provide conflict in the story. Although their is internal conflict with your character description, it needs external conflict. You could describe his friends as being reckless and dangerous, and this could make the reader care about what happens to the introvert when traveling with them.
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