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When a young woman takes up a run-away eleven-year old under her wing, she must go to extremes that risk her chance at the medical career of her dreams to help the child through the consequences of the gory past she fled.
The premise has promise, but it's not clear what the plot is, what the story is really about. And at 42 words in length it's a bit long. (It's better if a logline comes does not exceed 40 words, better yet if it does not exceed 25 words.) So, alas, this version of the plot conveys too little necessaRead more
The premise has promise, but it’s not clear what the plot is, what the story is really about. And at 42 words in length it’s a bit long. (It’s better if a logline comes does not exceed 40 words, better yet if it does not exceed 25 words.) So, alas, this version of the plot conveys too little necessary information in too many words.
By necessary information I mean the logline does not ID a dangerous antagonist or seemingly insurmountable obstacle. Nor does it give a clear, concise statement of her objective goal.
>>>Go to extremes
What does that mean? How does that translate into an objective goal? What is the jeopardy she faces and what must she do about it? It’s not at all clear, not obvious how taking care of the runaway puts both of them in physical jeopardy, nor how it threatens her medical career.
A logline should be concise, clear and compelling on the 1st read. Producer and directors are busy people with short attention spans. A logline has one, and only one, 10-12 second window of opportunity to pitch the story, hook their interest in the script.
Check out the “Formula” link at the top of the web page for guidelines on an industry acceptable logline.
fwiw
See lessWhen a police officer witness their partner commit murder while on duty, their moral is put to a test as they have to decide whether to stick with the voice of the crew, or the voice of society
I realize there is a trend toward gender neutral pronouns. But casting a film is not a gender neutral process. Before they even read a script, directors and producers want to know the gender (or trans if that applies) of the main character. So clearly indicate that in the logline. Failure to provideRead more
I realize there is a trend toward gender neutral pronouns. But casting a film is not a gender neutral process. Before they even read a script, directors and producers want to know the gender (or trans if that applies) of the main character. So clearly indicate that in the logline.
Failure to provide that information in a logline gives them all the reason they need to not read your script. And since they are very busy people, they are always looking for reasons to pass on a script. Your job in a logline is to give them an irresistible reason to want to read the script.
>>>they have to decide whether
Loglines are not about a decision that has to be made. Loglines are about doing, not deciding to do.
A logline should lay out what follows from a decision that is made; that is, a specific course of action in pursuit of a specific objective goal. This scenario creates an obvious moral dilemma, but the situation must force the character to immediately decide upon a specific course of action. What is that action (right or wrong)?
About the moral dilemma: it’s not a true dilemma if the deck of the plot is stacked so that it’s obvious to the protagonist (and the audience) what the right decision to make is (be loyal to one’s partners or be loyal to the oath the officer took). An authentic dilemma is one where a protagonist believes (and the audiences buys into that belief) that he or she is trapped between a rock and a hard place, trapped between two *equally* valid but incommensurate, conflicting choices.
The plot will force the protagonist to choose one or the other at the end of the 1st Act. It may be the wrong one, but that is one the protagonist will commit to… until the plot forces the character to flip.
Suggested movies to view: “Prince of the City”. One of the better films I’ve seen on the moral dilemmas cops confront in their work. And “Training Day”. In both films, the protagonists are well aware that they are doing the wrong thing — but they rationalize they are doing it for the right reason. The end justifies the means. Loyalty to the group, to the leader trumps other considerations for initially valid reasons.
And then…
See lessA young woman wakes up at the ‘After Life’ headquarters, only to discover that her premature death was caused by a glitch in the system. She must now convince The Boss to give her a second chance at life.
Hi! Does the boss know it was glitch and is he involved in it? Would it be an advantage to him to have her there for some reason? Just wondering. I like your concept ~reminds me of one of my favourite shows (but with a different take, obviously).
Hi! Does the boss know it was glitch and is he involved in it? Would it be an advantage to him to have her there for some reason? Just wondering. I like your concept ~reminds me of one of my favourite shows (but with a different take, obviously).
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