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When the local sheriff is shot dead at an anti-violence summit, a retired FBI agent tries to take down a malevolent black rights activist in order to save his town on the brink of a race war.
Agreed with Moses99. In addition there seems to be a lack of personal stakes, can you add a stakes character perhaps to tie the action of stopping violence to the MC? I would also change the verb "?tries?" with "?must?", the action gains a sense of urgency this way.
Agreed with Moses99.
In addition there seems to be a lack of personal stakes, can you add a stakes character perhaps to tie the action of stopping violence to the MC?
I would also change the verb “?tries?” with “?must?”, the action gains a sense of urgency this way.
See lessWhen rape victim Jasmina James escapes her captor, it sparks a series of events that lead to the arrest of America’s most notorious black serial killer, Anthony Sowell.? Inspired by true events.
"Based upon a true story" or "inspired by a true story" can help, may even be necessary, when the logline is about a character, a story that seems too improbable, too absurd to be credible. ?(I'm using it in a logline for current script in progress.) ?However, I don't see how it adds anything to thiRead more
“Based upon a true story” or “inspired by a true story” can help, may even be necessary, when the logline is about a character, a story that seems too improbable, too absurd to be credible. ?(I’m using it in a logline for current script in progress.) ?However, I don’t see how it adds anything to this version of the logline.
And I am wary about describing him as “America’s most notorious black serial killer”. ?I suggest referring to him as one of America’s most notorious serial killers and let it go at that. ?The script (and logline) should ?be strong enough to stand on the legs of the character and the story. ?His race should be incidental.
fwiw
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See lessAfter a popular police officer is suspended indefinitely for shooting a black teen, a desk duty officer seizes his opportunity to be a hero, serving as his town’s only source of law enforcement when the rest of the police force protests by calling in “sick” for a week.
MC: young police officer MC flaw: scared of confrontation Action: Violence without police Goal: protect his family
MC: young police officer
See lessMC flaw: scared of confrontation
Action: Violence without police
Goal: protect his family