Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free, he gets caught by another tribe to be sold asa slave .
Agreed with the above comments.Not much to add other than loglines are best used for framing a plot, to that matter think of it as a statement that clearly defines the start (inciting incident) and end (goal) of a story. When you write descriptions such as "...when a freedom believer urges his tribeRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
Not much to add other than loglines are best used for framing a plot, to that matter think of it as a statement that clearly defines the start (inciting incident) and end (goal) of a story. When you write descriptions such as “…when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free…” as the start of your story it doesn’t describe a specific event, and therefore doesn’t describe a good start point for your story – it’s vague.
See lessWhen a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.
Reviewed logline: An indigenous state ward is released from Juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family, who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated unless he helps them with a heist. I assume I re-post in this thread if I make changes to the logline for review. IRead more
Reviewed logline:
An indigenous state ward is released from Juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family, who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated unless he helps them with a heist.
I assume I re-post in this thread if I make changes to the logline for review. If not could someone please correct me otherwise if I get no response I’ll put back up on the main board.
I have made some changes due to a little rethink and thanks to the feedback given in this thread. Please be as brutal as necessary.
See lessWhen a fatherless stoner takes a job in a 1980s mafia-backed night club and discovers his bosses are his biological brothers, he must decide if a life crime is worth his new family.
A logline is about what a protagonist?decides to do at the end of the 1st as a result of the inciting incident. ? Whatever he decides to do ?becomes the action that drives the rest of the story, Acts 2 and 3.Taken at face value, this logline means that at the end of Act 1, the stoner will spend ?ActRead more
A logline is about what a protagonist?decides to do at the end of the 1st as a result of the inciting incident. ? Whatever he decides to do ?becomes the action that drives the rest of the story, Acts 2 and 3.
Taken at face value, this logline means that at the end of Act 1, the stoner will spend ?Acts 2 & 3 deciding whether to decide if a life of crime is worth his new family. ?Not doing, just ?standing there on the sidelines deciding to decide.
What the character needs to do in this setup is commit to a course of action as a result of the discovery that his bosses are his biological brothers. ? Not “decide if” ?but decide and DO. ? He needs to stop wavering on the sidelines and get involved, play the game — the plot ?– on the field. ?Or get involved in another game, another plot, on another field. He needs to do something.
Just like Michael Corleone. ?After the 1st assassination attempt on his father, Michael actually does waver for a brief period. ?He sits (literally) on the sidelines unable to decide what to do. ?
(That’s a standard plot device, btw, for the protagonist to engage in a few — not many, not extended– “Hesitate and Debate” beats ?before deciding what to DO. ?In the “Hero’s Journey” paradigm that’s known as the “Refuse the Call” phase.)
But when they try again to kill his father again, Michael comes off the sidelines and acts. He doesn’t spend the entire 2nd and 3rd Acts of “The Godfather” deciding “if” ?or “whether” to get involved in the family business,. ?He DOES get involved in a way where there’s no going back to the sidelines. ?He can never disentangle himself from a career as a mafia boss no matter how hard he tries to extricate himself, to become a legitimate businessman.
And it’s his decision. ?Nobody makes it for him. ?Nobody cajoles, bullies or seduces him into getting involved in the family business. It’s his idea. He takes the initiative. He commits to a tragic course of action — but at least he’s doing something, And what he does results is one of the Great American Movies.?
So after discovering his bosses are his brothers, what does the stoner DO? ?What course of action does he take? ?What must he do about it? ?And what ‘s at stake?
fwiw
See less