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After a young businessman is told that he is a loser and his life is lonely and meaningless, he observes the people in his city and sees what makes them feel loved so that he too can be like them.
Agreed with all the above comments. Also, terms such as "...his life is lonely and meaningless..." and "...sees what makes them feel loved..." are subjective and vague - they are not useful in loglines. Loglines are best made up of clear specific details, for example: lonely could mean he is single,Read more
Agreed with all the above comments.
Also, terms such as “…his life is lonely and meaningless…” and “…sees what makes them feel loved…” are subjective and vague – they are not useful in loglines. Loglines are best made up of clear specific details, for example: lonely could mean he is single, has no friends or family, and meaningless could mean anything: lacking career options, a legacy or having no impact on society.
Best for a logline to be written with specificity and clear detail.
See lessWhen her reclusive father dies without a will, his washed-up rodeo queen daughter must gather her estranged siblings in order to settle his estate.
It's still not clear what specifically they need to do. What is their goal and what will their main action be?"...they have one shot of avoiding foreclosure," - what does this mean in practical terms?Also, "...changing their dubious reputations..." is vague and seems redundant to the plot - you canRead more
It’s still not clear what specifically they need to do. What is their goal and what will their main action be?
“…they have one shot of avoiding foreclosure,” – what does this mean in practical terms?
Also, “…changing their dubious reputations…” is vague and seems redundant to the plot – you can simply cut it.
See lessWhen an anxious recluse agrees to take his cancer-fighting friend on one last adventure, he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged when she falls fatally ill.
Why is her invite and dare such a strongly motivator for the MC? It comes across as a weak inciting incident. What more a significant event can you give the MC?
Why is her invite and dare such a strongly motivator for the MC? It comes across as a weak inciting incident. What more a significant event can you give the MC?
See less