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  1. Posted: August 24, 2017In: Drama

    A high school basketball phenom drops out of school and drifts for thirteen years, but his luck is about to change as the road to redemption, love, and a second chance runs right through McCallister Park.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 25, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    This bears a resemblance to "The Natural". ?Other than the sport, what distinguishes this from that film which was also about redemption, love and a 2nd chance? And what is the inciting incident? ?Why did he drop out and drift for 13 years?

    This bears a resemblance to “The Natural”. ?Other than the sport, what distinguishes this from that film which was also about redemption, love and a 2nd chance?

    And what is the inciting incident? ?Why did he drop out and drift for 13 years?

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  2. Posted: August 23, 2017In: Drama

    After the abrupt revelation of a family secret forced a now twice orphaned boy into a life of seedy trailer parks, he sets out on a last-ditch journey to assemble a cast of family members he needs to make a home of his own.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on August 24, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    If the revelation of the secret is what sets the story in motion, You should tell us what that secret is.When he discovers he's adopted... When he discovers his real father was Barack Obama... When he discovers his mom and dad are really brother and sister... When he discovers he's an alien from a dRead more

    If the revelation of the secret is what sets the story in motion, You should tell us what that secret is.

    When he discovers he’s adopted…
    When he discovers his real father was Barack Obama…
    When he discovers his mom and dad are really brother and sister…
    When he discovers he’s an alien from a distant planet…

    The revealed secret is what will hook the reader, so you should tell us about it.
    —–
    If the secret’s revelation sets the story in motion: Add it to the logline.
    If the secret is the third act big reveal: Don’t add it to the logline.

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  3. Posted: August 21, 2017In: Drama

    A broke bounty hunter with schizophrenia and down to his final pill, must catch an elusive fugitive in extremely isolated territory before his hallucinations kick in.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 24, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    This sounds like it has interesting elements, but they're hard to pick out from the logline.Why not use a big event as the inciting incident and have the bounty hunter stranded in the wilderness with the killer, this way, his running out of pills is clearly related to the plot.For example:After a boRead more

    This sounds like it has interesting elements, but they’re hard to pick out from the logline.

    Why not use a big event as the inciting incident and have the bounty hunter stranded in the wilderness with the killer, this way, his running out of pills is clearly related to the plot.

    For example:
    After a bounty hunter with schizophrenia crashes in the wilderness, a murderous fugitive in his custody runs away, he must now re capture the killer in order to save his own life before his medication runs out.

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